Archive for August, 2007

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Lana Lang Succumbs to Repeated Physical and Psychological Trauma

August 23, 2007

The Daily Planet, Metropolis, August 23, 2007
Lois Lane

Lana Lang (below) was admitted to the Metropolis Psychiatric Hospital (above) earlier today for an indefinite period of intense psychiatric care, after what has been described as an “intense, psychotic break.” Lana is known for having a number of strange, apparently psychiatric episodes. One associate we interviewed believed she had merely “gone Lana” again, citing events such as Lana’s brutally attacking and nearly killing confidante Chloe Sullivan, editor of The Torch, Smallville High School’s often tabloid-like student newspaper, or another period lasting several days when she believed herself to be the incarnation of a 17th-century French witch.


Lana Lang, an exceptionally traumatized young lady.

A medical professional within the psychiatric hospital provided details under the condition of absolute anonymity:

Miss Lang is the most severely traumatized case I have seen in my career, far worse than we see even from lengthy, close-quarters combat. Lana seems to have an intense fear of nearly everything, including hospitals.

She is recounting stories of being attacked repeatedly at the Talon coffee shop, her parents’ grave site, the Kent farm, Smallville Medical Center, her own residences, Smallville High School, several horse stables, and virtually every outdoor location she has traveled to.

She screams or sobs constantly about being hunted, attacked, and buried alive. There is little wonder her sleep is disrupted by incessant nightmares. Her medical records, among her numerous admissions for injury or unexplained illness, indicate she even barely survived being caught in a tornado several years ago. She often rocks back and forth in a corner, incessantly mumbling that her friends are keeping secrets from her, and she appears convinced that at any moment anyone around her might suddenly turn on her.

If even half the things she describes have actually occurred, it will be a miracle if Miss Lang will ever be able to leave this facility. But we will do our best to help her.

Clark Kent, who has been Lana’s friend from early childhood, appeared nervous, and refused to comment on her condition.


Here’s an interesting bit on what Lana Lang was like in the comic books.

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I Am Now as Old as Jack Benny

August 11, 2007

Well, it’s official. I am now as old as Jack Benny.

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Why Can’t Things Like This Happen to Me?

August 9, 2007

A giant, smiling Lego man was fished out of the sea in the Dutch resort of Zandvoort on Tuesday.

Workers at a drinks stall rescued the 2.5-meter (8-foot) tall model with a yellow head and blue torso.

:: sigh :: That would have looked sooooooooo cool in my cube at work.