Category: Doug

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Day 13

Nichelle and I are reprising the roles we had when she was so ill, albeit we have swapped who we are playing. I get to play the part of “Nichelle, the inexplicably sick one,” and she gets to play me.

Today is Day 13 with the still-unexplained fever, leg pain, phalanges pain, and swelling. (The swelling in my leg and foot has become quite “interesting.”) None of the tests I’ve had (and there have been many) have found anything conclusive. I will see a rheumatologist soon (I hope before my currently scheduled appointment of July 8 ), and continue to work—much—with my own primary care office.

The forecast seems to call for uninterrupted fever, with a scattered chance of more severe pain, and increasingly widespread swelling.

For example, yesterday I went to church, and Nichelle drove us to Randolph to celebrate Debbie Civil’s 18th birthday and high school graduation. (Debbie is a blind girl in a wonderful Christian family who used to, along with her siblings, ride our bus to church at New England Baptist.)


The Civil Family and the Wilcox Family. Debbie is the second person to the right of Nichelle. (At this point I could even squat down for the photo, albeit stiffly.)

I hobbed about, but felt pretty good, and was able to walk almost normally for a couple of hours in the afternoon. On the way to the party I slept; on the way back we stopped at the Natick Mall to see the completion of a 7-foot-tall R2-D2 (which we contributed to on Saturday). In the very short walk through the mall, my leg got worse. By the time I went to bed, the pain and swelling was worse.


I offed to take this home for them, but they didn’t think it would fit in our van. (See the swelling in the leg?)

I awoke at 5:30 a.m. with my leg in considerable pain, my temperature up to 100.9 (at 101.5 my doctor’s office wants to know about it), and that awful everywhere-hurts-because-I-have-a-fever feeling. I was also really hungry. I gobbled acetaminophen and ibuprofen (and cereal), and then slept virtually constantly until noon.

Today I’ve managed a little bit of work, but the fever and finger pain is still there, so I haven’t accomplished very much. I am trying to let my body get the rest it needs, it just doesn’t seem to be helping much.

In addition to work, I’ve just got to get better for our church trip to Strategy Zone on Saturday.

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What’s Wrong with … Doug?

Okay, here’s the deal …

Last Tuesday (May 27) I was falling asleep in a meeting. Now, bear in mind, I often fall asleep in meetings, but not usually in meetings of only a few people and where I am one of the key participants. I excused myself and went home sick.

(As I think about it, a week earlier I had been complaining that muscle pain all across my upper back—I thought from weight lifting—had lasted more than a week, and when I sat down to do chest flies, I discovered I couldn’t put much pressure on my left arm in the direction required.)

The next few days I took half days off, plus one full day, fighting a low fever (1 to 1.5 degrees above normal), working when I didn’t feel in that brain-dead state that fever brings on.

Meanwhile, I started having more and more stiffness in my legs, especially after sitting down for a while, and developed a pain in my fingers, particularly around the proximal phalanges.

Thursday I got in to see one of my two N.P.’s at Nashua Primary Care, and she explained that it was probably viral, and ordered a slew of blood tests, including a Lyme disease titer, because a number of the symptoms matched Lyme, even though we had not observed a tick bite or the infamous bull’s-eye rash from one. The only abnormal result was a slightly elevated sed rate, which indicates inflammation of some kind. However, Lyme disease antibody tests can be negative for several weeks even when symptoms have begun to present, so I have a retest in three weeks.

Monday had me phoning the doctor’s office again, explaining that the difficulty walking had gotten much worse beginning on Sunday. Questions and answers went back and forth throughout the day and the next morning, but around noon Tuesday (day 8 of fighting the fever), after confirming some swelling in my left leg (which I was completely oblivious of, but which Nichelle spotted right away), they referred me to the emergency department at Southern New Hampshire Medical Center. (I wasn’t even up to playing World of WarCraft on Tuesday morning. Tragic.)


(Enterprise E sick bay drawing courtesy of www.ex-astris-scientia.org.)

The primary reason for going to the E/R was because such swelling can be caused by a DVT (I would explain, but that would save you the fun of some Wikipedia research) or a blood clot in the lungs.

More blood was drawn. Twice, actually, the first batch turned out to be unusable. (I warned them not to expose it to sunlight or tachyon radiation …)

Nichelle dropped me off, and brought everyone by when she picked up Isaac and David from school. Shortly thereafter, as I was being wheeled to the Radiology department (my first trip on a gurney since infancy), both Isaac and David asked, “If you die, can we have your World of WarCraft gold?” Weasels.

The ultrasound and X-ray didn’t turn up any clots; however, the chest X-ray showed an enlarged heart (and you all thought my heart was two sizes too small), so in addition to still having a problem with whatever is causing me to be unable to walk, I’ll be visiting a cardiologist soon.


Admit it, this is more like what you expected.

The hospital gave me a tapered dose of prednisone, which, for 23 hours, allowed me to hobble a lot faster. It was a delight to wake up this morning and be able to move my legs with almost no difficulty, especially as on Tuesday I was nearly completely crippled, and the pain in my hands was so bad I couldn’t even open a soda bottle. But around 5:00 p.m. today the leg pain when moving set in again, and I was back to smaller steps (although not nearly as bad as Tuesday).

I have an appointment to see my own N.P. tomorrow night. I’ll have a cardiology appointment as soon as my doctor’s office can arrange one. (They are remarkably adept at getting a squeeze-in consultation; I’ve seen them turn an 8-week wait “even if your doctor refers you” into a three day one.) Possible causes for the enlarged heart are an infection in the past that caused tissue damage, or—as I learned about through my own research today—a completely benign condition called Athlete’s Heart Syndrome (see also this article) which sometimes develops in people who do a lot of cardiovascular types of exercise.

Ignoring the enlarged heart and going back to the original symptoms, I called my sister Cindy last night and learned that my niece Jenn had exactly the same symptoms, and is currently recovering finally after a round of antibiotics. The only test that she had come back positive was one that indicated an exposure to strep at some point. This matches a bacteriological diagnosis, rather than a viral one, but her case baffled her doctors for a while, and, they too suspected Lyme disease.


The weasels just want my gnome engineer Mortalan character’s gold if I kick.

Being sick like this has made me appreciate much more how difficult it is for those with movement-related disorders or painful problems like arthritis. I also have a much better understanding of just how difficult it was for Nichelle all those years when her vitamin D deficiency left her debilitated.

Still, I find many blessings. Kronos’ sick time policies are excellent, and the superb insurance for which they are paying means I do not have to worry about the medical bills. I can work from home to coordinate with going to appointments or on those mornings when I’m not sure how well I’ll feel, and keep up with work e-mail, etc., even when too sick to go in. I get to experience my children’s delightfully twisted senses of humor in a time that might have been stressful to them. Nichelle is a constant help to me as well. I continue to benefit from (and am particularly grateful for) the large amount of time coordinating my case that my N.P.’s Celine Fortin and Rebecca Cooper-Piela and my “nurse-on-the-phone” Fran have put in.

I am glad God doesn’t want my life to get too boring.

(The saga continues on the post entitled Day 13.)

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A quick family update….

When Naomi woke up this morning, I asked her if she slept well, and also told her that I was happy she slept all night in her own bed. With the cutest glimmer in her eyes, she then told me that she had “the most wonderful dream in the world.” She then explained that she dreamt about Speed Racer, and that she was 5, and they went on vacation and they visited her and they talked. She had this twinkle in her eyes and the sweetest smile. She said that she never had this dream in her whole life.

Naomi’s been using Isaac’s scooter in the house for a bit now and has great balance. Phil pointed out to her that she may be ready to use her bike without training wheels because she can balance so well on the scooter. Man, oh, man, did she like that idea. She was quick to ask Doug to take the training wheels off her bike and is doing amazingly well. We took video of her mastering her skill at the two wheeler. It’s too soon for my liking, although that’s a mom thing!!! I’m, of course, proud of her accomplishments, but she’s growing up too fast.

David, after years of begging for glasses, got his wish. Doug took the kids to their appts a few weekends ago (Naomi’s first eye exam, too), and David was told that he needed glasses. He picked out the ones he wanted, and was told that they’d be ready in a week, but … the week came and went and still no glasses. He was disappointed to find out that he needed to wait several more days because there was a problem with the lenses and needed to be returned to the company to have them corrected. He finally got his glasses yesterday, and of course, he’s thrilled.

Isaac celebrated his 13th birthday the end of April and we’ll be celebrating with a party this weekend. Can’t believe he’s already a teen. [Doug’s note: He’s had the attitude of a teen for at least five years now, it certainly doesn’t surprise me.]

At the end of April, Naomi and I spent 4 days in DisneyWorld. Yup, just us girls, with two of Phil’s sisters and niece. We had a great time. Loads of fun watching Naomi’s expressions on the rides and just the fun she had with MacKenzie. Doug and the boys had a great time, too, as expected by me anyways. He took the boys indoor skydiving, which I’ll be doing sometime soon. We have a video of that along with pictures that David took. Those should be posted soon, too.

More from Doug. Nichelle is the biggest weasel in the world for going to DisneyWorld without us. I would certainly never go on such a trip without my wife.

In addition to indoor skydiving, David, Isaac, nephew Andrew Roberts, and I visited the U.S. Navy Submarine Force Museum, which is home to the USS Nautilus, the world’s very first nuclear-powered submarine. For technophiles like us, this was a perfect trip. In fact, we were late picking Nichelle and NaNi up at the airport because we got to talking to a submariner who was stationed on the USS Henry Clay (a “boomer”—a ballistic missile submarine) in the 1960s. In addition to touring the Nautilus, we got to play with various submarine control stations, see a lot of weapons, including a disassembled Polaris 3 MIRV, use working periscopes, and learn a lot about the history of the US submarine force. Jim, the sailor from the Henry Clay, also answered a question that was very important to me: Which movies about submarines are actually accurate. He said the Widowmaker was highly accurate, but admitted that others could still be entertaining. I’ll post pictures from this trip soon.

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Gin, Television, and Social Surplus

While I am working on posts about “The Weaker Vessel,” and “Verbal/Emotional Abuse” (and looking into how a ‘bot hacked my BLOG files to include hidden Spam links), here’s a bit to get you thinking:

Clay Shirky published a lightly edited transcript of his speech at a recent Web 2.0 conference, entitled, “Gin, Television, and Social Surplus.”

You will definitely want to read the whole post, but here are a few noteworthy excerpts:

Starting with the Second World War a whole series of things happened–rising GDP per capita, rising educational attainment, rising life expectancy and, critically, a rising number of people who were working five-day work weeks. For the first time, society forced onto an enormous number of its citizens the requirement to manage something they had never had to manage before–free time.

And what did we do with that free time? Well, mostly we spent it watching TV.

How much television do we watch?

[H]ow big is that surplus? So if you take Wikipedia as a kind of unit, all of Wikipedia, the whole project–every page, every edit, every talk page, every line of code, in every language that Wikipedia exists in–that represents something like the cumulation of 100 million hours of human thought. I worked this out with Martin Wattenberg at IBM; it’s a back-of-the-envelope calculation, but it’s the right order of magnitude, about 100 million hours of thought.

And television watching? Two hundred billion hours, in the U.S. alone, every year. Put another way, now that we have a unit, that’s 2,000 Wikipedia projects a year spent watching television. Or put still another way, in the U.S., we spend 100 million hours every weekend, just watching the ads. This is a pretty big surplus. People asking, “Where do they find the time?” when they’re looking at things like Wikipedia don’t understand how tiny that entire project is, as a carve-out of this asset that’s finally being dragged into what Tim calls an architecture of participation.

This reminds me, I was listening to “This American Life,” episode 328, “What I Learned from Television.” In a live broadcast, Ira Glass announces to the audience that average Americans watch 29 hours of television a week. There is a loud, collective gasp from the audience, which is composed of course, of not merely NPR listeners, but NPR listeners who paid to go out and see a live presentation of the radio program. Twenty-nine hours is the average? Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about playing World of WarCraft.

As Shirky writes,

In this same conversation with the TV producer I was talking about World of WarCraft guilds, and as I was talking, I could sort of see what she was thinking: “Losers. Grown men sitting in their basement pretending to be elves.”

At least they’re doing something.

But I digress.

As I write this, our pastor is speaking on “Reflections from the Back of a Bike,” noting how we prefer to ride in a car metaphorically driven by the pastor, instead of providing our own power on a bicycle, comparing the early church’s prayer to “speak the Word of God with boldness” as recorded in Acts 4:29 to our typical prayers of, well, whatever; of how we fail to really act on our belief in an Almighty God and actually serve Him with actions, every hour of our lives. How we need to embrace the mission of Christ and actually do something to reflect what we say we believe.

To be honest, I have heard many such sermons over the years, but this one is different. It’s Scriptural. It isn’t designed to evoke an emotional response. Its success won’t be measured by the number of people who raise their hands or “go forward” to the altar. Its success will, rather, be measured by how we let Christ give us boldness to use our associations and talents and burdens to change others’ lives. It’s real. It’s a reflection of how he actually lives in following Christ.

And the Word of God convicts me, that I ought to be so focused.

P.S.: Shirky makes some fascinating conclusions based on analyses of both current society and the Industrial Revolution, getting into such subjects as cognitive surplus, shared information projects, and participatory media. It’s one of the few must-read pieces I’ve encountered in the past year. He wraps up with a look into this gem (which in this context of excerpts seems disconnected, but in reality is not):

I was having dinner with a group of friends about a month ago, and one of them was talking about sitting with his four-year-old daughter watching a DVD. And in the middle of the movie, apropos nothing, she jumps up off the couch and runs around behind the screen. That seems like a cute moment. Maybe she’s going back there to see if Dora is really back there or whatever. But that wasn’t what she was doing. She started rooting around in the cables. And her dad said, “What you doing?” And she stuck her head out from behind the screen and said, “Looking for the mouse.”

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I Told You I Was 1337!


I told you I was 1337, as this compilation screen shot shows.

I grabbed this screen shot at work today. Every developer wants to write 1337 code, but I think this proves that I’m doing it.

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Doug’s New Dress

Shopping for a new dress is hard.

This is true even with the wonder of the Internet, although the Internet certainly changes it from being nearly impossible to mostly possible, it is still decidedly difficult.

Background: Every January or February, Kronos, the company for which I work, holds its annual Winter Thaw event for the employees and their dates, in lieu of a Christmas party. Starting with an event scheduled at the MFA several years ago, the events have been hosted at various museums or similar venues. This year’s event, which took place last Saturday, was held at the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem, Massachusetts.

With Nichelle’s incredible weight loss and constant fitness training, I wanted her to have something for her to wear to the Thaw that would accentuate how much more stunning she has become in the past year or two. Or, in other words, I wanted her clothing to be as beautiful as she—which is, of course, impossible.


The absolutely stunning Nichelle wearing the gown I purchased for her.

I did some searching online, and quickly determined that J.C. Penny appeared to have gowns like I wanted in a price that was affordable. Macy’s had gowns, too, but was quickly excluded due to their prices. Also useful was J.C. Penny’s different views of each item, normally with at least one photograph in each of the available colors. With that, I also able to figure out what style and color were most likely to be pleasing. One interesting factor is that clothing available online tended to be available exclusively online, and there was no indication of what the local store branches would actually contain. (Men would never settle for this when it comes to electronics items. One would think women would be equally demanding. Perhaps years of nonstandard sizes in everything from blouses to shoes have simply worn them down.)

So, with Nichelle’s size stealthily extracted during a conversation about weight loss, NaNi and I went off to the mall one Monday after Nichelle had gone to work, to see what our local Penny’s had in stock. The Internet browsing allowed me to essentially go “buying”—I had no interest in “shopping”; this is another difference between men’s and women’s desired commerce experiences.

They had quite a few choices, but that was narrowed down by the available sizes. NaNi still preferred the more “princessy” outfits, which were more suited for a prom than the Thaw, although there was one slightly showy dress that might have been “mature” enough to fit, that I considered. That being said, I picked out a red strapless gown that was classy without being overly fancy, and was delighted to find one left in the right size, and it was even on sale. NaNi talked me into checking the Disney Store for the “Mermaid Swimsuit” she insists they have, and used her extra-cute-face to manipulate me into buying her a Tinkerbell dress, which was half-off. I figured it was fair enough, as I’d saved money with Nichelle’s dress on sale.)

I brought the dress home, eager for Nichelle to see it. She loved it! But, when she tried it on, we discovered one of the hazards of all the weight training she’s done. Although it fit perfectly nearly everywhere, her back is so muscular that she couldn’t zip it up.

So, back to J.C. Penny I went, hoping it to exchange it for one size up before they closed…

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a single dress in the size we needed. They were helpful, calling other area stores, and checking the inventory system; but not one of the gowns I wanted in the size needed was available within 50 miles.

I checked Sears. Nothing but prom dresses in juniors. I went home, and back to the Internet.

A nearly identical dress was available as a catalog order, but in the size we needed, it wasn’t available in a color I knew Nichelle would want. Grrrrr!


“Classy Nun” or “Bride of the Penguin”? Poor color choices. (The woman is a bit pale, too.)

Then, I noticed something I’d overlooked at least 15 times in two days. The dress, pictured above, was also available in cranberry! It would be perfect, if it were in a solid color. The silly white-on-black cuff (Classy nun or Bride of the Penguin?) had turned me off, even thought I liked the overall style.

But I had to be sure. So I found and phoned J.C. Penny’s customer service department, and the lady there confirmed that the cranberry dress was indeed a solid color. Even better, I could have the dress shipped to the catalog pickup at Penny’s in Nashua, and it would arrive by Saturday at noon, about six hours before we needed it.

The dress actually arrived on Friday afternoon, so I picked it up on my way home from work. It fit perfectly, with the results are shown at the top of this post.


To modify a line from Always: Nichelle is all twisted steel and sex appeal. I can’t be with a woman who looks like I won her in a lottery.

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Lego Turns 50 Today

Today is the 50th anniversary of the filing of the patent for Lego bricks.


The Google logo received a Lego treatment today.

I received my first Lego set 34 years ago—number 480, the Rescue Helicopter—at age 5, as a Christmas gift from friend-and-neighbor Chuck Altwein. I quickly learned to completely assemble and disassemble the model without the directions. This was followed by set number 135 that year from my parents (too small a set, but I do not blame them), and many, many others, including some of my favorites, 190, 404 (which still gets my vote for best classic building set), and the 487 Space Cruiser, which was one of a trilogy of sets that opened Lego’s hugely popular (and still running) space line. (This line also introduced the modern Lego minifigure, or minifig.)

Lego forever changed my childhood, as I spent nearly every Saturday morning surrounded by Lego. One of the worst punishments I ever received was when I got frustrated trying to build a truck, and threw the partially completed assembly across the room. My Mom put my Lego in the attic for a week, and I learned to control my temper better. (I recall an incident with Isaac, at around age 4 or 5, where he had his Lego taken away for something similar, and he cried for 3 1/2 hours straight.)

I continue to build with Lego with my kids on rainy days at home, and lead a Lego robotics group that meets once a week at work (where I am known by the nickname LegoDoug). We have completed one project using the original RIS/RCX, and are switching to the NXT this week, thanks to Nichelle’s wonderful anniversary gift.

My boys are crazy about Lego Bionicle and the Lego Star Wars lines, and even NaNi loves to build, and I can’t think of any toy that has provided so much innovative playtime.

Check out some coverage on Gizmodo, Slashdot, Time, and this Lego timeline on Wikipedia.

Following are images of some of my favorite bits of my own Lego history.


I lobbied shamelessly and amorally for this one Christmas. It was Lego’s largest set to date.


One of Lego’s best sets ever, which included a Lego motor.


The Lego Space Cruiser, an unquestionable classic.


Lego’s first castle set.


The first Lego robotics kit, and a little piece of history.


An iconic robot constructed from the new Lego NXT robotics kit.

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2008: Year of the Nerd

I hesitate to include this, but this is the sort of thing that goes on at a New Year’s Eve party at Heritage Baptist Church.

In addition to “praying in” the new year, we also spent several hours playing board games and doing improv skits. Lynn B., our great game organizer, ran a Family Feud session, which was quite fun, although at first we demonstrated our vast lack of knowledge in how this particular game show operated. Once it got going, the competition was fierce.

I loved the fact that all the kids were involved as well. David was interviewed by me in one of the skits as an eyewitness to the events of “The Ugly Duckling”; in his version he ran over the Ugly Duckling with his car! Tom H. brought a snowball inside, which ended up recycled a number of times by being thrown or dropped down the back of people’s shirts. Pastor Erik told people (not necessarily children) not to run about 4,328 times. Phil L. and David E. carried Isaac outside a couple of times and threw him in a snowbank.

Afterward we went home and let the kids stay up as long as they wanted, as is our tradition on New Year’s. NaNi didn’t make it much after 1:00. David was up until about 4:30. Isaac stayed awake until 6:40 p.m. on the first. We woke him up for dinner, and trounced him at Halo 3, which is extremely unusual, but shows how drastically sleep deprivation can affect performance and critical skills.

Late afternoon on the first, we were in the process of getting ready to go see Enchanted, when David came in calling, “It stings! It stings!” I thought he’d hurt or frozen his hands, until he pointed to his head. Isaac had accidentally hit him across the eyebrow with a snow shovel, splitting the skin open quite deeply, so we went to the emergency department at SNHMC instead of to the movies. (The physician’s office had just closed.) David was very worried about stitches, but got to have his skin superglued together instead.

While David and I waited, and waited, and waited in the waiting room, Nichelle was at home making beef enchiladas, our last bit of holiday eating-too-much-for-our-own-good.

Welcome, 2008!

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The Jerks Always Win

… was the text message I received recently from a heartbroken friend. I am not at liberty to share the details behind this, but emotional abuse figured significantly in the story that was summed up by that statement.

For several years, I have informally studied the short- and long-term effects of sexual abuse. I have read over a dozen books on the topic, attended trials and hearings, evaluated cases in the media, communicated with subject matter experts, and supported and interviewed survivors. The bottom line is, as Anna Salter wrote, “Child sexual abuse was like getting bitten by a rattlesnake: Some kids recovered completely, and some didn’t, but it wasn’t good for anybody.”

On the whole—unlike 20 years ago—our society is beginning to “get it” in regard to sexual abuse. Popular knowledge is now cognizant of the need to expose its occurrences, protect its survivors, and punish and forever monitor the offenders.

Sadly, the balance still favors the offender. Most are never caught; even those who are prosecuted often reach that stage only after permanently damaging numerous innocents. The jerks always win.

But there is another type of abuse, typically (but not exclusively) perpetrated by males against females, that we often gloss over: Verbal and emotional abuse.

There was a lot I did not understand about sexual abuse, due to my own ignorance—I could not fathom, for example, why Celie did not simply run away to escape her abusive husband when I read The Color Purple ages ago. Of course, now I know that her sexual abuse as a child played a large part in this, and that certain types of abusive behavior will nearly always produce certain types of behavioral results, such as remaining with or returning to the abuser. Whether this can be explained rationally is irrelevant; the causative facts remain both evident and consistent.

There is a lot I do not understand about verbal or emotional abuse. Why would one continually mistreat a woman with whom he shares a social or even romantic connection? Why would anyone continually belittle her accomplishments, describe her as worthless or stupid, scream profanities at her, become angry at her without provocation, or limit her financial and personal freedom?

Why take something beautiful and damage it, making it less valuable?

Why tarnish God’s most beautiful and intricate creation, rather than polishing it for all the world to see?

We’d like to think this happens only in our underclasses, but that is hardly the case. One account conveyed to me by a friend was of a woman who was a published biological research scientist, with a doctorate. This didn’t protect her from her boyfriend whose constant belittlement convinced her that she was of no value. This happens far more than we realize.

I confess, I simply do not understand verbal or emotional abuse. I absolutely cannot understand why someone would mistreat any woman, especially one entrusted into one’s care. I know what the advice is to those in an abusive situation: “Get out immediately”; but few will be able to heed that. I often wonder why women seem to be so predictably malleable under such abuse, but perhaps this is why the Apostle Peter referred to wives as “the weaker vessel,” and commanded husbands to honor them and be understanding.

I see that I need to improve my knowledge deficit, just as I studied sexual abuse.

In the mean time, I’m going to keep polishing.

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One Mile, Baby!

For the past month or so, six mornings a week, I’ve been working on running, trying to get up to a mile without stopping. Today, I finally made it!


This is pretty much how I felt after finally completing a mile without stopping.

Previously my best distance before walking (and then resuming the run after I caught my breath) was only about seven tenths of a mile. Whew! Hope I can make it again tomorrow.