Welcome to the Wilcox Family weB LOG, your source for the latest Wilcox news, anecdotes, and rants; and, as Jack Benny quipped on his first radio show (March 29, 1932), “There will be a slight pause while you say, ‘Who cares?’â€â€
Last night on the way to church we were on Route 102, and Isaac and I were talking about the time we rode our bikes to about the same place, but had to turn back because I had a leaky tire.
Naomi piped up, “I come? I ride my bike, too?”
I explained that she was still too small to ride that far (she’s only 2.5 years old), but she disagreed:
“Yes, I can! I’m Naomi Wilcox!“
First off, I’d like to thank Debi C. for lending me the book by Amy Carmichael, Rose from Brier; what I’ve read and re-read has been a blessing and a huge encouragement.
A portion of a song that came to Amy C. while amidst great pain and a desire to be with her Fellowship, “Thou hast not that, My child, but Thou has Me, And am not I alone enough for thee? I know it all, know how thy heart was set Upon this joy which is not give yet. And well I know how through the wistful days Thou walkest all the dear familiar ways, As unregarded as a breath of air, But there in love and longing, always there. I know it all; but from thy brier shall blow a rose for others. If it were not so I would have told thee. Come, then, say to Me: My Lord, my Love, I am content with Thee.”
Thank you to Eric and Juana Quinlan for giving me a CD by Twila Paris, entitled, “He is Exalted.” My favorite song—although I love listening to them all—but the one that has stood out the most is, “God is in Control”:
This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don’t lose the vision here
Carried away by motion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together
God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control
History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever
He has never let yo down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me
Another thank you to Beth C. for sending us the sermon by John MacArthur, entitled, “The Role of Suffering” from II Corinthians chapter 12. It was such a powerful message. One of the points he made was that trials serve many purposes, such as the following: To test our faith, to wean us off of worldly things, help us focus on eternal hope, to reveal what we really love, to teach us to value God’s blessing, to enable us to help others who suffer, to produce endurance, to humble us, or to break our confidence. They produce the broken and contrite heart God wants us to have. Another point is that God uses suffering to draw us to Himself. Suffering has a way of increasing and intensifying our prayer life. In II Co. 12:9, “… My grace is sufficient for you …” God doesn’t remove the issue of pain or trouble, but increases the grace He gives. He gives comforting grace in the midst of a trial. Encouraging grace in the midst of pain. A confident grace. In Deut. 33:26 it says He “rides through the heavens to your help.” There will always be sufficient grace to every issue. God doesn’t promise to remove your trouble, pain, etc., but promises to overwhelm it with grace. How wonderful is that? How wonderful, awesome, and powerful our God and Saviour is!!!!!
My God has given me a wonderful husband, who is stronger than he realizes. I thank Him for such a man that is faithful through it all. My kids are indeed a joy and a blessing, most of the time. From the silly things they say to the serious questions they ask. One of my favorite times with them is just sitting and listening to them sing along with the music that plays. What a joy to hear them sing praises to our God. He’s so very good. His provision for us, His loving care, His guidance and His continued mercy. One of my favorite verses is: Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are more valuable than many sparrows.
—Matthew 10:29-31
I praise God for His love that is shown through family and friends, with their continued prayers and words of encouragement and the many helpful things they do. Thank you to each of you. Thank you for showing me God’s love and your love, too.
12 Days and Counting
Endocrinologist 3, with Mass General, has given Nichelle an appointment for May 12 at 1:00 p.m. Nichelle is thrilled. Please pray that this doctor will be determined to find out precisely what is wrong with Nichelle and treat her, or immediately send her to someone who will.
36 Hours
Nichelle experienced about 36 hours of “normal” life this weekend. She was without pain, and had no trouble walking or doing regular activities from Friday afternoon through late Saturday evening. We even got to go to our church visitation program Saturday morning.
She went to church on Sunday morning, but experienced a rapid degradation again. By the end of the service, she needed help getting down the stairs, and needed someone else to drive her home. (I was at home with David, who was sick.)
Nichelle wrote in an e-mail earlier today,
Of course, I was grateful for feeling “normal,” and for being pain-free for the first time in a very long time. I give Praise to God, my Lord and Savior, for His great love and care, and for each of you for your continued love and support and many prayers.
I find Nichelle’s worsening illness is wearing me down (after 13 years with these symptoms appearing periodically, the last 7 of which have been difficult, and the last 2 of which have been extremely disruptive both in symptom severity and percentage of time per year they have been present). I noticed this weekend while she was well that I was dampening out any feeling that might be described as “experiencing hopefulness,” as such feelings have been rewarded repeatedly with crushing disappointment. I still have hope that God will lead us to a treatment eventually, but it seems to have become my own quest to destroy the One Ring—even as we may be getting closer to Mordor.
Addendum: May 2, 2006
My goodness, I was in a funk yesterday! My reading in Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Its Cure (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones) coincided perfectly with my mood, and was exactly of what I needed to be reminded. Now I know why it’s taken me so long to get to that particular chapter: God was orchestrating the timing.
All things may seem to be against me ‘to drive me to despair,’ I do not understand what is happening; but I know this, I know that God has so loved me that He sent His only begotten Son into this world for me, I know that while I was an enemy, God sent His only Son to die on the Cross on Calvary’s Hill for me. he has done that for me while I was an enemy, a rebellious alien. I know that the Son of God ‘loved me and gave Himself for me.’ I know that at the cost of His life’s blood I have salvation and that I am a child of God and an heir to everlasting bliss. … Faith reminds itself of what the Scripture calls ‘the exceeding great and precious promises.’
…
I do not suggest that you will be able to understand everything that is happening. You may not have a full explanation of it; but you will know for certain that God is not unconcerned. That is impossible. The One who has done the greatest thing of all for you, must be concerned about you in everything, and though the clouds are thick and you cannot see His face, you know He is there. … Now hold on to that. … Nothing can happen to you but what He allows, I do not care what it may be, some great disappointment, perhaps, or it may be an illness, it may be a tragedy of some sort, I do not know what it is, but you can be certain of this, that God permits that thing to happen to you because it is ultimately for your good.
Never visit the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston without being accompanied by Debi Costine. Back on February 27, we got to do just that.
Nichelle spent the three days before the trip in “intense rest,” hoping to be well enough to go with us. (I hadn’t seen her so determined to do anything major since singing in the Christmas program in mid-December.) Thankfully, she was able to go, although by the end I wished I insisted she use a wheelchair for at least part of it. (In the weeks since, her condition has gotten worse, and I don’t think we’d even try such a trip now.)
We also weren’t sure we could convince David to come. He seemed fascinated, several years earlier, by the mummy at the Museum of Science in Boston, but in the interim years, that fascinating had turned to fear. I spent three weeks trying to psych him up, but it was Debi who spoke to David the night before and convinced him that he would be fine. By the end of her call he was eagerly anticipating the trip.
Above: Debi Costine provides an introduction to ancient Egypt.
What a wonderful trip! The kids loved it, John especially favored this museum over the science-centered ones that I typically drag him to.
Outside the Egyptian wing, Debi sat us down, gave us handouts, and introduced us to things to look for in the Egyptian artifacts. Among them was a cartouche—generally an ellipse with a line on one side, that would be marked with one or two sets of hieroglyphs. This would indicate the name of a god or a king. We also learned about the burial and afterlife beliefs of the ancient Egyptians, including the false door that the spirits would use to retrieve food offered to them.
One of the things Debi stressed was the grain of truth that many cultures preserved after the Flood in their understanding of spiritual things. It was very interesting to see how a proper understanding of death and eternity became corrupted over the years.
Above: Pointing out the hieroglyphs adjacent to a cartouche, indicating the name of a god. (Note Debi’s red hair.)
One of the ideas I found fascinating was that the existence of one’s name carved in stone allowed the existence in the afterlife to be perpetuated. In some cases, pharaohs or other leaders who fell out of favor were “eliminated” after death by having the names chiseled out of their places, as well as statues destroyed. One pharaoh ordered his name hieroglyphs to be carved especially deep. I wonder if it occurred to them to carve it someplace and then hide it.
Above: Barley (along with a crude mortar and pestal) dating from up to 6,000 years ago.
When Nichelle and I attended the MFA last year, we were awestruck by the Egyptian artifacts. They project such a feeling of age. It is truly amazing to walk among them. The barley shown above is a small thing, but it’s astounding to find it preserved for five or six millenia.
Above: King Menkaure (Mycerinus) and queen (possibly Khamerernebty II).
I absolutely love this statue of King Menkaure and his queen. This couple is elegantly and lovingly rendered, and it impresses me that the artists were able to perfectly recreate the effects of sheer cloth in a stone statue. Note that they are actually clothed, at least in the custom of the time. The statue is unfinished. (There is no name on it; the king’s kilt pleats are not carved, and the base is unfinished.) There are more photos, a write-up, and an audio piece here at the MFA site. Note the folded napkins in Menkaure’s hands. These were authority symbols. Some later statues had rectangular napkins that look more like blocks of wood.
Above: The Egyptian kings would place these stories about their conquests on the borders of their lands. Debi was able to explain the story carved here in much more detail than the museum plaque next to it.
Above: Check out the cartouches on the base of this statue. These have the hieroglyph pairs we were hunting: a sun with a bird, and a bee with a sedge plant. David just told me, “I was the first one who found that one!”
Above: All the geeks in ancient Egypt used these these snazzy pocket protectors. Seriously, it’s a scribal palette, belonging to “The royal draftsmen of the Lord of the Two Lands, Amenemwia.”
Above: The center of the Egyptian funerary room. That’s a bolt of linen in the left foreground that is over 4,000 years old. Amazing!
The funerary room was astounding. It offered much more than the few things we think of as stereotypical Egyptian art surrounding the funeral rituals. Interestingly, the Egyptians were quite reluctant to change the formulae of their rituals, even over the centurals. So, even when the custom of removing the organs and storing them in jars had changed, faux jars were still placed in the burial chamber.
Above: These ceremonial eyes were painted on the sides of coffins to allow the body entombed within to see out.
Above: Debi noticed something about this mummy mask that she had never seen before: It has a beard. This mask (dating from the time around Joseph’s life) may show the result of a Hebrew influence, as the Egyptians didn’t wear real beards, perhaps as a result of Joseph’s revelation of his origin and rise to power.
Above: You’ve read the Old Testament many times, but always wondered what Baal looked like. Now you know! (This one is missing his weapon or thunderbolt. Maybe it was a child’s action figure. It’s about the same size. “Hey, kids! Collect all the Canaanite deities!”)
Above: This Hittite stamp-cylinder seal was impressive, as were the other seals and commercial artifacts, including a set of balance weights and numerous cuneform tablets.
Outside of the Egyptian area, was one of the things we were all really looking forward to seeing: A fragment of a plate (probably smashed by the forces of Alexander the Great) from one of Xerxes four palaces. Debi likes to encourage her students to imagine that Queen Esther herself may have touched it.
Above: Fragment of a Royal Plate
Southwest Iran (probably from Perseopolis, Palace of Xerxes), 485–464 B.C. Diorite. Queen Esther just might have used it. (My photo is blurry, so I’ve linked the image to a better one at the MFA.)
By the time we got to the few more modern things we looked at (much of the 1st century A.D. art, especially from Corinth, is, shall we say, inappropriate for children), they just couldn’t compare to the marvel of the ancient Eyptyian work. They all seemed so … recent.
Above: This painting contains owls hidden within it. I was terrible at finding them, but the kids did well, and really enjoyed the task. This photo isn’t perfect, but I couldn’t find the painting this evening when I searched the online MFA database—even though I found it a few weeks ago.
I’ll also include what is one of my absolute favorite paintings in the MFA. When I first saw it, during my company’s “Winter Thaw” event, I was struck by how beautiful it was. The color is amazing, and it seems photographic in its realism. It really stands out.
Above: Portrait of a Young Woman, possibly Countess Worontzoff, by Marie Louise Elisabeth Vigée‑Le Brun. French, 1755–1842.
And David, the little weasel, announced that his favorite part had been the mummies.
Nichelle heard back from the most recent endocrinologist’s office. Here are his notes:
However, the office is checking on a referral to an endocrinologist in Boston.
This is really, really frustrating. Hypothyroidism on top of fibromyalgia explains nearly all of Nichelle’s symptoms. Every doctor except the endocrinologists Nichelle has seen seems to think this exhibits as a clearly endocrinological problem.
I’m going for a walk.
Later news:
Nichelle has been referred to a specialist in Boston. The endocrinologist did agree to the referral, and will be following up on the results. This is some progress.
Today I had my appointment with the new rheumatologist. He’s requesting all records from three different doctors. I was given a new pain med and taken off one that I was recently given by the ER doctor (although I’ve only taken it once). I will have a follow-up appointment in four weeks.
He has no explanation for several of my symptoms, but states the other problems that I’m having is fibromyalgia. Here’s a great site to find out more about fibromyalgia: http://www.fibromyalgia-symptoms.org.
The doctor today, too, agrees that the other problems that I’m having are endocrine. I am also waiting to hear back from the new endocrinologist. He wanted to go over my tests results from the first endocrinologist, who claimed that I didn’t have an endocrine problem!
I have been checking my temperature for several days now and the highest it’s been is 98.0 and the lowest was 96.3. The typical range in 97.2 to 97.7.
Next week I have an appointment at the pain management clinic.
Waiting, praying, hurting, and crying, but through it all we know God is ultimately in control and already knows the outcome. Thank you for your continued encouragement and prayers.
Nichelle was very impressed with the endocrinologist she visited today. She described him “as thorough as Dr. Rescigno,” which is a huge compliment.
Dr. Bhaghayath took an interest in everything Nichelle brought in (unlike the last two doctors she has seen), including things that seemed “off-topic,” such as the bone scan results. He was amazed by the photos showing the water retention. He reviewed our symptom list, and commented that Nichelle had “a lot of things going on.” He wanted to know if Nichelle had a family history of thyroid problems. (Getting a family medical history for either one of us is a rather amusing undertaking.)
Nichelle did ask him to confirm any connection between the vitamin D deficiency and the serious symptoms she is now experiencing. As we expected, he said they were “totally separate,” but Nichelle wanted a second opinion.
Unfortunately, some critical records were not sent over, despite the fact that Nichelle checked on them this morning. His concern is that (just as Beth has suggested), critical endocrinology tests were missed, and only the cursory levels were measured, especially for thyroid function.
He’s going to examine the records, after Nichelle kicks some butt to get them sent over, and call Nichelle back. (This appears to be a failure in the medical records department, rather than the doctor’s office, for a change.)
Last night, Doug mentioned that he wanted to make banana bread. Now this is major.
So, after dinner, he and Naomi headed out to the neighbors to get 1/2 cup of shortening. He tried a few homes before getting some. The only thing I had to do was put out the ingredients, and he and Naomi did the rest.
The finished product looked great and tasted great. I was very impressed. I told him, “This is just the beginning, just think of all of the things you can start making.” He wasn’t all that keen on that idea, but this morning he mentioned to Naomi that they can make more this weekend.
Doug’s teaching techniques are quite unique, too. I found him telling Naomi, “You have to let go your aggression on the bananas … feel the hate,” when they needed to be mashed. Waaaaay too much Star Wars influence here. She had a lot of fun, and Doug commented that it was fun working with her, too. Naomi also likes to help me cook, so she now gets the teaching from both of us. Which is of course helpful for her to be well rounded.
This is the kind of doctor we need.
Nichelle asked me to post some notes from today’s somewhat discouraging doctor’s visit. This was an apointment with a new doctor, who, we hoped, based on recommendations and screening, would listen carefully to the symptoms and be determined to find a solution. Instead, we are being asked to visit specialists in fields we have already visited, and have little to be encouraged about.
Here’s what was observed at the appointment:
Her new doctor wants her to see another rheumatologist, and another endocrinologist, and work with a pain management center (Southern New Hampshire Medical Center has one).
He believes the hair loss is an endocrinological problem. (Our endocrinologist who is treating Nichelle for vitamin D deficiency had no explanation for this particular symptom.)
The new doctor concluded that successful pain management would allow exercise, and that would lead to weight loss, despite the fact that the onset of these latest, ever-worsening symptoms that struck last fall occurred—contrary to typical fibromyalgia—during a long period of significant daily exercise combined with careful diet, which, incidentally, did not produce any weight loss.
Nichelle really feels like yet another doctor is not truly listening to her. I’m not completely convinced that’s the case, because he did immediately recommend two specialists and the pain clinic, so it’s not like he’s saying nothing’s wrong—it’s just that we can already discount one of his conclusions and he’s not really willing to listen to that (yet). The biggest problem is we have a neurologist who has a marvelous doctor-patient manner, and just projects a vast amount of caring, even when he is hearing about symptoms he can’t correct in his speciality. Nichelle called him yesterday, because he wanted to be kept informed of her overall medical issues—that’s not very common in a specialist. So, just about every doctor we’ve ever had seems inadequate in comparison.
I wanted to quote Job 10:2–3, 8 for this post, but Nichelle wouldn’t let me, so I’ll go with some verses from Psalm 30 instead, although when I heard these this morning (especially verse 2) they made me cry:
1I will extol Thee, O LORD; for Thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me. 2O LORD my God, I cried unto Thee, and Thou hast healed me.
10Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be Thou my helper. 11Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: Thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; 12To the end that my glory may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto Thee for ever.
Friday night Nichelle and I determined we hadn’t been out together in a while, so when I got back from the Museum of Science with the Quinlans, we decided to go someplace somewhat exclusive and very fancy, that we’d never tried before.
We were impressed with the curbside service—a staff member actually came out to the door and showed us in, which is a level of service far above that to which we are accustomed.
Once inside, we disocovered there would be quite a wait—this place is popular—so we settled down to wait a bit in the lounge. We were impressed by the obvious expense that had gone into the venue. Millions of dollars had been spent on making this place stand out from its competition, and everything looked beautiful, even though some parts were still being renovated.
We were at the renovated (but still expanding) Southern New Hampshire Medical Center‘s emergency department.
Nichelle had been in severe pain from Thursday afternoon on, and by Friday evening it had gotten unmanageable.
After a brief wait (only about 4 hours)—next time Nichelle will need to be either bleeding profusely or pregnant to ensure rapid attention—they got Nichelle checked in, and administered a couple of different drugs by IV, the second of which actually helped. She was still having severe, stabbing pain in her ribs every 5 to 10 minutes, but most of the other pain was significantly reduced.
At 5:00 a.m., she’d been released, and we took a trip through our favorite drive-through: Brook’s Pharmacy, and watched the sky brighten with dawn. How romantic!
This morning Nichelle is feeling much better. The grip of the pain seems to have lessened, and she’s able to move around again without difficulty. She even made me a breakfast sandwich (when I finally got out of bed around 11:30), and played a few rounds of Burnout 3: Takedown with Isaac, David, and I, which she hasn’t done in months!
This brings me to an interesting, if merely anecdotal, observation about the pain she constantly suffers, which varies in severity. It would seem, based on how much better she was this morning, that the medication delivered by IV interfered with a feedback loop that was keeping the pain severe and inceasing it in severity. In short, stopping the pain temporarily led to stopping the pain for a much longer period. Fascinating.