Category: Television

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Lana Lang Succumbs to Repeated Physical and Psychological Trauma

The Daily Planet, Metropolis, August 23, 2007
Lois Lane

Lana Lang (below) was admitted to the Metropolis Psychiatric Hospital (above) earlier today for an indefinite period of intense psychiatric care, after what has been described as an “intense, psychotic break.” Lana is known for having a number of strange, apparently psychiatric episodes. One associate we interviewed believed she had merely “gone Lana” again, citing events such as Lana’s brutally attacking and nearly killing confidante Chloe Sullivan, editor of The Torch, Smallville High School’s often tabloid-like student newspaper, or another period lasting several days when she believed herself to be the incarnation of a 17th-century French witch.


Lana Lang, an exceptionally traumatized young lady.

A medical professional within the psychiatric hospital provided details under the condition of absolute anonymity:

Miss Lang is the most severely traumatized case I have seen in my career, far worse than we see even from lengthy, close-quarters combat. Lana seems to have an intense fear of nearly everything, including hospitals.

She is recounting stories of being attacked repeatedly at the Talon coffee shop, her parents’ grave site, the Kent farm, Smallville Medical Center, her own residences, Smallville High School, several horse stables, and virtually every outdoor location she has traveled to.

She screams or sobs constantly about being hunted, attacked, and buried alive. There is little wonder her sleep is disrupted by incessant nightmares. Her medical records, among her numerous admissions for injury or unexplained illness, indicate she even barely survived being caught in a tornado several years ago. She often rocks back and forth in a corner, incessantly mumbling that her friends are keeping secrets from her, and she appears convinced that at any moment anyone around her might suddenly turn on her.

If even half the things she describes have actually occurred, it will be a miracle if Miss Lang will ever be able to leave this facility. But we will do our best to help her.

Clark Kent, who has been Lana’s friend from early childhood, appeared nervous, and refused to comment on her condition.

Here’s an interesting bit on what Lana Lang was like in the comic books.

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Resolved: Things about Which I Will Never Complain

One of Nichelle’s and my most eye-opening trips was our first part-time missions trip to Mexico together, about 10 years ago. One of the first rules we made for the kids (and future children) upon our return was, “No whining.” (Getting the children to follow that rule has been difficult, but we never give up.)

Americans, in my opinion, tend to be really whiney ingrates. As someone who has seen life from “the other side,” here are some of the things I try very, very hard never to whine about:

  • The price of gasoline. (Go check the consumer prices worldwide for those countries not swimming in petroleum.)
  • Government corruption. (When’s the last time you had to bribe someone to get a spot you deserve in university, or paid your traffic “ticket” directly to the police officer?)
  • The food I am served, as long as it’s not spoiled. (Complaining about the food or refusing food offered is a huge insult in countries where people are not certain they will get enough food every day.)
  • The quality of television and movies. (Watch less. Be more selective. Television and movies have always had both great programming and nearly worthless programming. The great programming and films survive and are remembered, which is why we think that all the “old shows” were like “The Twilight Zone,” when most of them were more like “F Troop.”)
  • Being bored. (I honestly can’t remember the last time I was bored. Usually, I have so many things that I want to do, I can’t choose between them.)
  • The American justice system. (I know it’s not perfect, but for the most part, our criminal justice system is very fair, and we’re even finally learning about victim rights, too.)
  • The amount of money I have. (Do you have any idea how absolutely rich we Americans are?)
  • My job. (The US is still, unquestionably, the Land of Opportunity.)
  • The weather.
  • My wife. (Nichelle is awesome, in far more ways than I can count—although I did try once.)

I’m sure I’ll think of a few others.

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Life: A Quick Update

  • Nichelle’s health has been amazing. Actually, Nichelle looks amazing. She is doing Tae-Bo and weight training almost every day. She is absolutely transformed, to the point where that picture of Storm I posted for her birthday is truly not very different than reality. This is a far cry from the woman who two years ago sometimes had trouble holding a fork and knife at dinner. This is by far our biggest blessing.
  • Since Nichelle can now kill me with her pinkie, I started on the weights with her and our friend Phil about a month ago, and get in several days a week of Tae-Bo or cardio stuff as well. It’s already made a big difference, although Nichelle puts me to shame. Phil is cracking the whip on the weights and controlling our diet as well. Last night we got to eat a single piece of cheese for the first time in about 3 weeks. My doctor should be very pleased with these lifestyle changes. I will say having Nichelle working on the same things has made it immensely easier. What would I do without her?
  • As far as we can tell, David made highest honors again. Although Isaac needs to apply a slight amount of effort in math and history for the first time in his life, he did very well also. I love Isaac’s wit, and David amazes me with his insight, especially because he’s only 8.
  • Isaac bought a ball python about two months ago, which he named Knotty. Ball pythons are really cool, although we’ve learned that they really do have poor eyesight, and have become familiar with their striking distance …
  • Command and Conquer 3 and Jaws Unleashed have overtaken us for gaming, even to the point of neglecting World of WarCraft and our beloved Wii. C&C 3 is every bit the game C&C/Red Alert lovers have longed for, providing that magical balance of interesting units and fast-paced strategy for which Westwoood Studios was famous. In Jaws Unleashed, one controls Jaws himself, attacking swimmers, dolphins, boats, and other sharks and sea life. Isaac and David love it to the point of addiction, although it hasn’t received very good ratings from adult gamers.
  • We officially resigned from our old church a week ago—a decision which was clearly God-directed—although we have not yet joined a new one. We believe we will end up at Heritage Baptist in Hooksett, which we attend most, although we are checking out the Wednesday night program tonight at MVBC—Heritage doesn’t have anything yet for the kids on Wednesdays.
  • Nichelle will compete in the National Chicken Cook Off on May 3–4, in Birmingham, Alabana. I get to go with her. She is up against some tough competition, but the first prize is $100,000. That wouldn’t be too shabby.
  • John seems to be doing well for the first time since he left last June. We’ll see how things work out—he hasn’t had a very good track record—but he’s working again for the first time in months, and seems to be much more rational than previously.
  • We’re also planning a trip to Florida to attend my Mom’s wedding in June. Did I mention my Mom is 80 years old? I have a great picture with her and her fiancé George, which I’ll post shortly. The whole family is very excited.
  • NaNi is still the world’s cutest and smartest three-year-old. I had always wanted to have a daughter, but she is more awesome than I would have imagined. She has a delightful sense of humor, too. Last Saturday she woke me up by hitting me repeatedly with a chain saw, chanting, “Dad! Banana bread!” She’s also informed me, “You don’t get any hugs: Hugs are for Mommy. You get knuckle sandwiches,” and I assure you she means it. She can also locate Alabama on a map. Every time she says grace, she includes, “Thank you that Mommy is feeling better.”
  • Work has been excellent. We are winding down, mostly fixing small bugs, in preparation for the release of version 6.0 of our product. I’ve been working on the user interface revamp, which has been a year in the making, and is absolutely amazing. For the first time in years, our software will look as good as it runs. Navigation and other user operations have been dramatically improved, and everything is consistent end-to-end.
  • We finally got caught up with “Lost.” Now it’s agony to wait a week between episodes! We also are backwatching “Gray’s Anatomy” and “Smallville.”
  • Last Friday, NaNi, Isaac, David, and the Dunn children were sitting in the bleachers at a basketball game, and were all singing “Chiron Beta Prime.” I was so proud of those little geeklings.
  • Keith Lancaster’s acapella CD “Glorious God” is amazing. Thanks to Bernard Farrell for recommending this CD, as well as its predecessor, “Awesome God: An a Cappella Worship Series.” Nothing warms my heart like hearing NaNi and the boys singing “Our God is an Awesome God” around the house, and we love to listen to these while traveling.
  • After reading Michael Crichton’s Next, I’ve added about 9 books on genetics to my list of books to read near immediately. (I may never finish Mao’s China and After or The 9/11 Commission Report, but I’ll keep plugging at them.) My goal is to be able to talk the language of genetics fluently with a PhD friend of ours. I’ve already got my DNA screen saver!
  • We’re getting new carpet in the basement, courtesy of a water heater failure about two months ago. ServiceMaster came out at the request of the insurance company, and saved us from serious long-term problems from water damage. Too bad our insurance doesn’t cover the water heater itself (due to its age), but as disasters go, this one wasn’t too bad.
  • Sorry for not posting more of late. I was very busy getting my accounting caught up so we could file our taxes, and I’m working on a very long post that analyzes (refutes) a popular KJV-only tract.
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24

[tv]Nichelle here: I noticed my husband has failed to mention the rather noisy incident that happened the other night. Well, I'll be nice and fill you all in. Well, Doug and I were recently introduced to a fairly new show, which is now in the second season, called 24 w/ Keiffer Sutherland. Well, the show is very addicting and extremely intense. We love it.
Well, back to the noise, which made me heave myself off the couch and bolt upstairs to find Isaac on the floor crying. He fell out of his top bunk. Well, Doug eventually made it upstairs to see what happened. I was later informed that he was trying to figure out what to do. He could only see himself needing to take a child to the hospital and missing the last half of the episode. The funny thing is we have the whole first season on DVD!!!! He only needed to pause for a moment, but I did mention that the show is really intense…LOL Well, Isaac did hurt himself, but nothing to take him to the hospital. He's fine now. Oh, we haven't yet finished the episode, but we did get another friend hooked on the show, by showing him the first two episodes.