[Editor’s note: John e-mailed this to me yesterday. There’s much to respond to, but I don’t have sufficient time, and probably won’t for a couple of days. However, I promised to put it up today, so here it is.]
Dear all blog members
I am sorry for consistently lying on here about my life and all of my problems. The truth is ive been lying bout alot of things and I want to get everything straight. First off I would like to apologize to you about lying about my parents. I have said in the past that they had been controlling my life. But the truth was that I was controlling my own life and wanted to do everything myself and I made bad decisions. And the outcome of that I have lost the two people in my life that took me in and cared for me. And that shouldnt have been so. I should have made the right decisions and not blame them for all of my bad ones. Second off I would like to apologize for lying to everybody about my enrollment in the GED course. I was never enrolled into one. I only told all of you that and my parents that so that they would not think I would be a failure. But I would just like to aplogize for everything ive done. I am trying to turn my life around and my heart towards God again. So if you could please give me another chance and find it in your heart to forgive me I would really like to appreciate it.
[Again, let me stress that I’ll address this in more detail later, but this is worthy of a response.]
This is a start.
John is, as one might expect, not doing well.
When he left home last June, the only things those who knew him and us well could conclude is that his remarks bore no basis in reality.
After numerous efforts to engage him in truthfulness, the best we ever got when confronting him about dishonesty was angry responses and actual threats of harm. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, he was still (after speaking with us by phone a day or two before) telling people we were angry with him and wouldn’t speak with him.
He spent months insisting that our home life was terrible, and that we fought all the time. (Reality: He was surly all the time, but fighting was extremely rare, much more rare than our friends tell us is typical.) After he left, he would elaborate on class, or on holding two jobs at a time, or even where he was living, and none of it would be true. He was going to the Eastern Regional Vocational Technical school, then Brockton high, then enrolled in a GED program: None of it ever happened. We twice gave him instructions on getting his high school transcripts, but weeks later he insisted that it was our fault he did not have them, and that this had cost him educational opportunity (clearly incorrect in a number of ways).
In November he called us, voice clearly in a panic, for directions on how to get to Nashua by train. Apparently he was in fear for his physical safety due to some sort of gang activity—this has never been explained at all, although it has been referenced by him numerous times.
Our ultimate conclusion was that, until there was some foundational honesty to his communication, there wasn’t much we could do, although we have never denied him a chance to IM or talk with us.
John, we love you.
Now, we shall wait, watch, and see.
Thankyou very much.If their is anything you need me to elaborate on you have my screen name.
John,
I am very encouraged by your transparency. If your change is legitimate, then your “bad choices” will change.
As a dad myself, I know that parents do not ever stop loving and caring for their children. I’m sure I can speak for Doug and Nichelle that they have always loved you and wanted only the best for you. Even when you were in active rebellion, speaking slander against your parents, they still loved you.
You don’t need to lie to your parents, or to anyone, for that matter.
I hope you do make radical changes because you are heading in a bad direction with no future. But even still, there are many who love you and care for you.
As for forgiving you – absolutely. There is no one so far gone that they can’t be forgiven.
We are all sinners in need of mercy: you, your parents, me, everyone.
There’s nothing you could have done that would disqualify you to the love and acceptance you strive for and will be yours if you truly legitimately and authentically repent of your bad choices.
We love you John and are praying for you!
Mark (and family)
John, congratulations on your mature decision to apologize to those you have hurt. I know Doug and Nichelle will always love you and will always accept you, and I’m really glad to hear that you’re beginning to realize that for yourself.
Thankyou. I truly am apologizing right now.And im going to try and change my life.Its a good thing I started to get away from all of the stuff I was doing.And I changed the friends I was hanging out with.Because If I didnt do that id probably be in Plymouth county jail and that wouldnt have been good.But I thankyou all for the prayers and support.
I am very glad to read your words John. I hope that they are from your heart, whick I think that they are. Keep us all updated on the progress you make! Praying for you always!
-MJ
Hi John, wanted you to know that I continue to love and pray for you. You are one of us, we love you, just not your choices. But a lot of us have made bad choices, but in Christ we have the wonderful gift and opportunity of change. If you ever want a different perspective, I’m sure someone at Teen Challenge in Brockton would find time to talk with you. Love Aunt Cindy
Ok thankyou aunt Cindy.I love you all too.And hopefully I can visit.I just joined a GED program today.www.My-Turn.org and I think im going to do very well.So please pray for me and hope I do well and to continue to get my life back in order.