Category: Humor

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A Little Humor (II)—If Operating Systems were Airlines

DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, and jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etcetera.

Windows Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it explodes without warning.

Mac Airways: Tickets are expensive. The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Linux Express: Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

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In Yesterday’s Episode, Doug Learned to Make Sure the Ashes in the Pellet Stove Have Truly Cooled Off Before Vacuuming Them

[doug]We have a pellet stove, which is a nifty, attractive, low-mess way to heat/supplement the heat in our new house. In fact, Nichelle is getting spoiled by it, as it is easy to bring the house up to about 75 degrees, so when it gets down to our usual 68 degress, she complains about it being too cold.

Last night, it was time to clean out the ashes, before restarting the stove, as they were starting to interfere with combustion. So, I put my hand over the ashes, found out they were cool, even stuck my hand in to make sure.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t careful enough. Nichelle yelled and I turned around to see smoke pouring from the back of the vacuum cleaner, quickly filling up the house.

I’d sucked up one ember that just hot enough to, under the increased air flow, set fire to the vacuum cleaner bag and its contents.

The vacuum and house are unharmed (except for a slight smell of smoke), but I’m very embarrassed.

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In MegaTokyo, This Would Be a “Dead Piro Day”

Okay, that’s a bit of an “in” joke. MegaTokyo is an online comic I read. Every now and then the artist gets behind schedule or is overwhelmed with other things, and posts a sketch instead of a comic strip. We’re wiped out from moving (but things are great!), but I need to get something up on the BLOG.

How Big Is a Billion?
The next time you hear a politician use the words “billion” casually, think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

  • A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
  • A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
  • A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
  • A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

How Long Is Too Long?
People are complaining on how long the war is taking but consider this:

  • It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
  • It took less time to find Saddam's sons in Iraq than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
  • It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick.
  • It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!!!
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Happy New Year and Moving Madness

Here, Naomi shows off one of her Christmas presents, and her destiny (Nichelle is too busy getting ready for our move to read this), with a “Geek in Training” t-shirt from ThinkGeek.com. She also received the TCP/IP creeper, but won’t fit into it for several months.

Back at the Wilcox family, we are moving in one week, and packing in earnest. Thanks to Nichelle’s extremely hard work and planning, it looks like everything is going to go smoothly.

Our new address as of January 9 will be:

329 Nowell Street
Nashua, NH 03060-4453

Phone: 603-886-5225

I should also mention that my friend Mark Sohmer has finally taken my advice and started a BLOG of his own at http://blog.sohmer.net/. Of course, since he is using Bryan Harrington’s code, later modified by me, guess who gets pestered with questions?

I’d like to BLOG some reflections on the past year, but am too busy at the moment.

In more recent events, Christmas was excellent, and despite being sad, Dad’s funeral was really wonderful. I will defiitely write more about that later.

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This is Really Amusing: Our Lights Have Gone Crazy

Today I am over at 297 Billerica Road, Kronos’ main building in Chelmsford (I normally work 2 buildings away at 2 Omni Way). We’re in a meeting with Rick Hightower, our Struts trainer who we’re keeping an extra day for consultation, and the lights have gone crazy. Imagine strobing Christmas lights on a building-wide scale. Very, very amusing. Apparenlty, this smart buiding is having a case of dimentia.

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Oh, That Lord!

This Is a bit dated, but yesterday’s post about David brought this to mind:

[david]From July 2002: All our children are big fans of J.R.R. Tolkien's works, but we hadn't realized what a large impact the recent DVD release of The Fellowship of the Ring had on our youngest son David, who is 3½ years old.

While supervising a group of children, one of our fellow church members asked him, “Are you thankful for the Lord?” He stopped what he was doing, looked up in careful contemplation, and then asked her, “The Lord of the Rings?”

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Yikes! I need to post something.

[david]We have a policy of 1 hour of computer or video game time per day on weekdays for the kids (they get 2 hours on weekends), but they can earn extra time, which they sometimes do, by working on educational software or activities, such as typing for Isaac, writing for David, and Web design for John). One of David’s time-earning activities is to run the Virtual Fish Tank, an online version of the full-size exhibit (once part of the Computer Museum) at the Museum of Science in Boston. Last night he was watching me work (well, play Star Trek Voyager Elite Force II) on one machine, and asked me to call up the Virtual Fish Tank for him. He then said, “I can earn game time just by leaving this running—I don’t actually have to play it, right?” For a 4-year-old, he’s getting much too good at trying to “work the angles.”

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Old Enough to Drive, Old Enough to Drink, Old Enough to Vote, but Apparently Not Old Enough to Think!

Harry Potter Fan's Magic Attempt Sets House Ablaze
Thu July 10, 2003 10:59 AM ET

MADRID (Reuters) – A woman set her Madrid home on fire as she cooked up a potion in an attempt to imitate the fictional wizard Harry Potter, emergency services said.

The 21-year-old was rescued Wednesday by firemen and treated for minor injuries, but half her home was destroyed.

The ambulance service said she had told them she was trying to emulate the boy magician, hero of the books by J K Rowling that have been a sensation among adults and children alike.

For want of more magical ingredients, the woman cooked up a potion of water, oil, alcohol and toothpaste, local media reported. It was unclear what spell she was trying to weave.