Photos via Picasa Web Albums

I started experimenting with Picasa’s (Google’s) free Web Albums last night. One gigabyte of storage, seamlessly integrated with Picasa, which is the free photo management software God would use if He didn’t run Linux.

Check out our new Picasa Web Albums, which I’ll be updating over the next week, and which are also linked to our sidebar. You can even subscribe to them via RSS!

And, here’s the photo I promised of my Mom and her fiancé, George Fortini:

And here’s another image of NaNi, the world’s cutest 3-year-old. She’s got the Wii controller in her hand, and is beating nearly everyone at bowling. This was taken at Nichelle’s birthday party in March:

Life: A Quick Update

  • Nichelle’s health has been amazing. Actually, Nichelle looks amazing. She is doing Tae-Bo and weight training almost every day. She is absolutely transformed, to the point where that picture of Storm I posted for her birthday is truly not very different than reality. This is a far cry from the woman who two years ago sometimes had trouble holding a fork and knife at dinner. This is by far our biggest blessing.
  • Since Nichelle can now kill me with her pinkie, I started on the weights with her and our friend Phil about a month ago, and get in several days a week of Tae-Bo or cardio stuff as well. It’s already made a big difference, although Nichelle puts me to shame. Phil is cracking the whip on the weights and controlling our diet as well. Last night we got to eat a single piece of cheese for the first time in about 3 weeks. My doctor should be very pleased with these lifestyle changes. I will say having Nichelle working on the same things has made it immensely easier. What would I do without her?
  • As far as we can tell, David made highest honors again. Although Isaac needs to apply a slight amount of effort in math and history for the first time in his life, he did very well also. I love Isaac’s wit, and David amazes me with his insight, especially because he’s only 8.
  • Isaac bought a ball python about two months ago, which he named Knotty. Ball pythons are really cool, although we’ve learned that they really do have poor eyesight, and have become familiar with their striking distance …
  • Command and Conquer 3 and Jaws Unleashed have overtaken us for gaming, even to the point of neglecting World of WarCraft and our beloved Wii. C&C 3 is every bit the game C&C/Red Alert lovers have longed for, providing that magical balance of interesting units and fast-paced strategy for which Westwoood Studios was famous. In Jaws Unleashed, one controls Jaws himself, attacking swimmers, dolphins, boats, and other sharks and sea life. Isaac and David love it to the point of addiction, although it hasn’t received very good ratings from adult gamers.
  • We officially resigned from our old church a week ago—a decision which was clearly God-directed—although we have not yet joined a new one. We believe we will end up at Heritage Baptist in Hooksett, which we attend most, although we are checking out the Wednesday night program tonight at MVBC—Heritage doesn’t have anything yet for the kids on Wednesdays.
  • Nichelle will compete in the National Chicken Cook Off on May 3–4, in Birmingham, Alabana. I get to go with her. She is up against some tough competition, but the first prize is $100,000. That wouldn’t be too shabby.
  • John seems to be doing well for the first time since he left last June. We’ll see how things work out—he hasn’t had a very good track record—but he’s working again for the first time in months, and seems to be much more rational than previously.
  • We’re also planning a trip to Florida to attend my Mom’s wedding in June. Did I mention my Mom is 80 years old? I have a great picture with her and her fiancé George, which I’ll post shortly. The whole family is very excited.
  • NaNi is still the world’s cutest and smartest three-year-old. I had always wanted to have a daughter, but she is more awesome than I would have imagined. She has a delightful sense of humor, too. Last Saturday she woke me up by hitting me repeatedly with a chain saw, chanting, “Dad! Banana bread!” She’s also informed me, “You don’t get any hugs: Hugs are for Mommy. You get knuckle sandwiches,” and I assure you she means it. She can also locate Alabama on a map. Every time she says grace, she includes, “Thank you that Mommy is feeling better.”
  • Work has been excellent. We are winding down, mostly fixing small bugs, in preparation for the release of version 6.0 of our product. I’ve been working on the user interface revamp, which has been a year in the making, and is absolutely amazing. For the first time in years, our software will look as good as it runs. Navigation and other user operations have been dramatically improved, and everything is consistent end-to-end.
  • We finally got caught up with “Lost.” Now it’s agony to wait a week between episodes! We also are backwatching “Gray’s Anatomy” and “Smallville.”
  • Last Friday, NaNi, Isaac, David, and the Dunn children were sitting in the bleachers at a basketball game, and were all singing “Chiron Beta Prime.” I was so proud of those little geeklings.
  • Keith Lancaster’s acapella CD “Glorious God” is amazing. Thanks to Bernard Farrell for recommending this CD, as well as its predecessor, “Awesome God: An a Cappella Worship Series.” Nothing warms my heart like hearing NaNi and the boys singing “Our God is an Awesome God” around the house, and we love to listen to these while traveling.
  • After reading Michael Crichton’s Next, I’ve added about 9 books on genetics to my list of books to read near immediately. (I may never finish Mao’s China and After or The 9/11 Commission Report, but I’ll keep plugging at them.) My goal is to be able to talk the language of genetics fluently with a PhD friend of ours. I’ve already got my DNA screen saver!
  • We’re getting new carpet in the basement, courtesy of a water heater failure about two months ago. ServiceMaster came out at the request of the insurance company, and saved us from serious long-term problems from water damage. Too bad our insurance doesn’t cover the water heater itself (due to its age), but as disasters go, this one wasn’t too bad.
  • Sorry for not posting more of late. I was very busy getting my accounting caught up so we could file our taxes, and I’m working on a very long post that analyzes (refutes) a popular KJV-only tract.

Christian Idiocy

I speak as to sensible people; judge for yourselves what I say. (1 Co 10:15)

I am oppressed by what I like to think of as Christian idiocy. Why is it that Christians are not allowed to think? Christ said the world would think poorly of us, but must we invite the world’s wrath for all the wrong reasons? As I explain to my children, “It’s laudable if your classmates don’t like you because you’re Geekier than they are, not interested in social conformity, or not willing to do what’s wrong to fit in; it is not acceptable if they don’t like you because you smell bad.”

I grew up a Christian idiot. I attended churches which taught things like women should not wear pants (because pants are men’s clothing—clearly they were unfamiliar with Mary Tyler Moore in “The Dick van Dyke Show”). They taught that no one in the Bible drank wine containing alcohol. I believed it was wrong to attend movies (but not wrong to attend live theater). I wouldn’t eat in a restaurant that served alcohol. I found fault with Big Band music. (I once refused to let a schoolmate borrow Allan Sherman’s “You Went the Wrong Way Old King Louis,” to play for his history class; Paul Pendagrace, I apologize.) I attended a large Bible college/church where the pastor’s argument (to loud praise) for why the Bible was the Word of God was, “Because I’m afraid of Momma,” where the students were not allowed to take notes on the sermons, and where every college-owned board game had its dice replaced by spinners. Another very large Christian college prohibits students from reading the Bible in a large common area. Another infamous Christian university has only recently reversed its racist policies, which for decades it claimed were Scripturally supported. I’ve heard everything from tattoos to beards (anyone remember that Jesus guy?) presented as unchristian. I spent decades thinking that I might somehow ruin God’s perfect will for my life, and be stuck with His second-best “acceptable will.” I hated sermons on Hebrews 12, because I had been taught chastisement referred only to punishment (it means discipline), and wondered how I could be saved without seeing evidence of God constantly punishing me. I laugh now, but the wonderful dancing my 3-year-old daughter does, or the way she insists on clinking glasses together and exclaiming “Cheers!” at dinner, would have been offensive to me a decade ago.

Meanwhile, the wondrous, complex depth of themes and doctrines contained in the Word of God and the rich historical background of the cultures therein described were glossed over much of the time.

As one of my coworkers likes to exclaim, “Non-sense!”

Why don’t we compare what we believe to the Word of God? Why don’t we actually study the Word of God enough to know what it really teaches? Why can’t we learn from the Berean example in Acts 17:11–12?

Our churches—and thus, our Christian culture—are rife with extrabiblical teaching. The ancient rabbis declared, “God has spoken, and everything else is commentary.” History and Scripture would indicate that it is indeed human nature to expand God’s doctrine. Indeed, a study of the book of Acts or of Paul’s Epistles will make it clear that debates about such human-driven doctrine were with Christianity virtually from the beginning. Granted, the Word of God was not yet complete, which no doubt added to the debate—but things haven’t really changed. We would be wiser to heed the words of Christ:

7You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: 8“‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; 9in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'” (Mat. 15:7–9, ESV).

The Separatist Pilgrims had the right idea: One of their constant questions, which ultimately led to their departure from the Church of England, was, “Does the Bible really teach that?” Our American tradition of marriage being a civil, rather than strictly religious, ceremony, comes partly from their understanding that nowhere in the Bible was a pastor shown to officiate in a marriage ceremony. They disavowed many ceremonial creations, such as crossing oneself when uttering Christ’s name, merely because such creations could not be supported by Scripture. A friend who is a skilled student of Greek tells me she often encounters what she calls “Christianisms”—teachings or traditions that have become a common part of Christianity that have no real basis in the New Testament Scriptures.

We sound like idiots because we espouse idiocy. We’ve stopped thinking, because, while we criticize the sound bytes used in the media, our churches are preaching nothing more than sound bytes with a Christian flavor. We’re afraid of starting a discussion of doctrine, either because we are afraid might be wrong or because we lack a comprehensive knowledge of God’s Word. We study our Bibles using “What does this passage mean to me?” rather than starting with a grammatical-historical hermeneutics methodology. We rant about “Biblical standards,” when expecting outward conformity to rules of behavior that have absolutely no Biblical basis, and then we use these extrabiblical issues to divide believers from each other.

“I do not believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” —Galileo Galilei

It’s worth exploring one of the big debates of the New Testament believers: Should a believer eat meat that had been offered to idols?

The first time this is encountered is in Acts 15:24–31.

24Since we have heard that some persons have gone out from us and troubled you with words, unsettling your minds, although we gave them no instructions, 25it has seemed good to us, having come to one accord, to choose men and send them to you with our beloved Barnabas and Paul, 26men who have risked their lives for the sake of our Lord Jesus Christ. 27We have therefore sent Judas and Silas, who themselves will tell you the same things by word of mouth. 28For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay on you no greater burden than these requirements: 29that you abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well. Farewell.”

30So when they were sent off, they went down to Antioch, and having gathered the congregation together, they delivered the letter. 31And when they had read it, they rejoiced because of its encouragement. (Acts 15:24–31, ESV)

The scenario was that the early Christians were being pulled in a number of directions. Some people told them they had to obey all or part of the Old Testament Law to be saved. This is understandable, considering the number of Jews who became followers of Christ, who had believed all their lives that following the Law was a vital part of pleasing God. These believers were, understandably, confused. So they wrote to the Apostles and said, “Hey, can you clarify this, please?”

Acts 21:25 summarizes the conclusions of Acts 15:24–31 quite beautifully:

But as for the Gentiles who have believed, we have sent a letter with our judgment that they should abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality.” (Acts 21:25, ESV)

The prohibitions against eating things strangled or animals that had not had the blood drained seems to have not caused much controversy. The command to avoid sexual immorality would be repeated throughout the epistles, though there was no danger of that being misunderstood (although the believers at Corinth seem to have been very skilled at disregarding it).

But eating meat that had been offered to idols (which was, as I understand it, available inexpensively in the marketplaces—essentially idolatry-subsidized food) seems to have continued to be a large controversy. Paul would devote two more passages related to that topic in his epistles (one dealing with specific food taboos in general, and another dealing directly with food offered to idols), providing clear instruction of how such derived prohibitions are to be handled. It is also interesting to note that Paul did not consider the recommendation the Apostles made to be binding; it clearly was meant to address the concerns of a particular group of new believers, an idea backed up in the context of what Paul wrote.

1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.

4Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself.

8If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

10Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” 12So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. 13Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

14I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

18Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.

22The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. (Rom. 14:1–23)

Romans 8 gives us several important principles for dealing with differences of opinion about what is right and wrong. Key among these is the idea that it’s wrong to flaunt liberty among those who are weaker or less knowledgeable to the point where it causes them to be troubled, or worse, causes them to sin by giving in to peer pressure to do something they don’t believe is right. But notice also that Paul says judging another in either direction is wrong. Those who have stronger convictions about foods were not to criticize those who understood that it didn’t matter. Ultimately, Paul agrees that there’s nothing wrong with eating specific foods, even though some found them offensive, but warns, “Stop tearing down the work of God for the sake of food.” (Rom 14:20, ALT) Ah, balance!

In his first letter to the believers at Corinth, Paul deals specifically with the topic of food that was offered to idols:

1Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up. 2If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. 3But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.

4Therefore, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that “an idol has no real existence,” and that “there is no God but one.” 5For although there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth–as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”—6yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.

7However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through former association with idols, eat food as really offered to an idol, and their conscience, being weak, is defiled. 8Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. 9But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. 10For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? 11And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. 12Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. (1 Cor. 8:1–13, ESV)

My sister grew up loathing the common ignorance about this passage. We tend to use it metaphorically, failing to see the obvious fact that the Apostles were describing a real, practical, everyday situation.

The night was hot and still, a power outage meant that the ceiling fans weren’t moving and the hiss of the gas lanterns made the small brick church in central western Brazil seem even hotter than usual. The pastor was away, so one of the deacons was leading the Wednesday night Bible study. He read the passage [1 Cor. 8], halting a bit here and there, for he was more accustomed to farming and outdoor work than to reading. I wondered what he could possibly find to say about this rather obscure passage. To my surprise, he looked up from his Bible, his sun wrinkled face beaming and said, “Oh my brothers and sisters, how kind the Lord is to give us a passage like this that tells us just what we need to know! You know that the owner of the big ranch that is close to our property is having a party and has invited us all. But he has told us that he is going to sacrifice the bull to the voodoo gods before he barbecues it. Here we have the answer to whether or not we can eat the meat at the party!” (Frances Wilcox Matheson, unpublished study of 1 Cor. 8 )

Verse two is very much in need of being noted: “If you think you know everything, you’re wrong.” We often disregard further education in a matter. (Paul’s further instruction regarding meat should cast illumination on the fallacy of this idea.) I’ve heard people tell me when discussing doctrine, “I studied this x years ago …” with no interest in even consideration of further study. I try to always be aware that some of the things I believe so deeply now may change in the next decade or even less; one cannot grow in knowledge without having to revise some opinions.

Paul clarifies who is likely have trouble eating meat offered to idols (v. 7)—those who formerly worshiped them. I have often seen that a person who has newly been brought to grace will be very sensitive about certain areas in which sin dominated in their particular lives. Over time, this tends to change, as the believer’s knowledge increases and faith becomes stronger.

But is all this loving? Why even bring to the table such a discussion? Because this Christian idiocy does nothing to help the cause of Christ; just the opposite. We impose our own nonbiblical standards on other believers, completely contrary to the Scripture. We make them guilty—causing them to sin. Or, we are proud of how righteous or spiritually sound we are, either from the approach of liberty or the approach of restrictions. This stubborn insistence on self-righteousness ignores the love we are commanded to show to our brothers.

Does it mean that there aren’t things which are obviously wrong for a believer? Of course not. God’s Word is full of commandments about how a believer should live his life. Drunkenness (but not drinking) is prohibited. Dishonesty is prohibited. Sexual immorality (a much more expansive word in the Greek than the KJV’s fornication would imply) is prohibited. Gossip and backbiting are prohibited. Revenge is prohibited. Hatred is prohibited—and its presence is used to disprove faith in Christ.

But so much is also prescribed. Adhering to sound doctrine is prescribed. Edifying other believers is prescribed. Giving is prescribed. Propagating the gospel is prescribed. Studying the Bible is prescribed. Earnest prayer is prescribed. Loving our brothers and sisters in Christ is prescribed. Why do our children think practicing Christianity is merely composed of avoiding a long list of behaviors defined as unrighteous? Pastor Erik DiVietro put it this way:

I am a Christian, but I’m often ashamed of it. Don’t get me wrong! I am not ashamed of the name of Jesus Christ—it is the hope of salvation for the world. I am not ashamed of HIM; I am ashamed of the people who take his name and then use him as an excuse to be arrogant, self-righteous snobs.

The church is the hope of the world, but we pretend like we’re the center of the world instead. Everyone should look like us, sound like us. We never consider anything outside ourselves. Forming a Christian opinion often goes like this: (a) This is what I like to do. (b) This is a verse I can use to say that it is good to do what I like to do. (c) I will try to coerce everyone else to do what I like to do. (d) I am spiritual doing what I like to do even if no one else agrees with me. (e) I can look down on those carnal people who don’t do things like I do. (Erik DiVietro, “Fear of Becoming an Activist”)

I am not saying that personal holiness is wrong, nor am I flaunting my liberty in Christ, saying, “Ha! Look what I can do!” Scripture—the revealed will of God—needs to be our first directive for behavior. I will strive to be loving toward those who are weaker or less knowledgeable Christians, which means I won’t try to coerce them into behavior they might find sinful, nor try to mash my own derived applications of Scripture into their heads.

I am angered at the disregard for the deep and the elevation of the shallow in modern Christianity. I’m mortified by the lack of Bible knowledge that is actively persisted in our churches, while the same tired “Christianisms” and misapplied, historical taboos are given serious weight. I’m saddened by the labeling that allows us to exclude any believer who falls even slightly outside our cliquish assemblies’ definitions of likemindedness.

We should be ashamed.

How to Ruin Your Life by Misunderstanding the Will of God / Anatomy of a Train Wreck

How to Ruin Your Life by Misunderstanding the Will of God: The Danger of Christian Mysticism
(This is an intentionally ironic title. You’ll see.)

“The Bible never tells us to seek the will of God. It tells us to do it.” (Dr. John Hannah)

Modern Christians, especially in conservative churches, tend to be obsessed with finding “the will of God” for their lives. We will examine what the Scripture actually teaches about the will of God, as well as refuting a number of very prevalent misconceptions about God’s will.

Lord willing, I’ll be presenting this topic at the adult Bible study at our church on Wednesday, February 7.

I will post a PowerPoint presentation, and other resources when they are complete. (PowerPoint has been posted here. Note the PowerPoint contains far more information than I actually covered. I used only about 40% of it.)

 


 

Anatomy of a Train Wreck


Photo of a train wreck in LaGrange, Illinois, from The Monkey Is Always Watching photoblog by Daniel Heath.

In some ways, the lesson was a disaster. I wanted to get people thinking about dangerous, unbiblical rhetoric we use, and instead wound up inflaming the congregation. At least 8 people walked out.

I touched on a number of foundational topics, including the KJV, with a slide entitled, “Why the KJV is Not the Word of God.”

However, my first two points on that subject were these:

Don’t excommunicate me: Almost everything I have studied leads me to believe the KJV is a highly accurate, trustworthy translation from excellent manuscripts. But it isn’t perfect.

And, we have a serious problem with the rhetoric we use.

But no one heard them.

I had to discontinue that topic after two slides, although people kept bringing the discussion back to them. But completely unheard were my points about translation errors, the danger of sounding like Ruckmanites, or even how the Jewish religious leaders Jesus debated with in the temple would not conduct theological discussions in any language other than Hebrew. Also prohibited was something that is very important to me:

Significant changes in the English language over the last 400 years are rendering the KJV less and less relevant to our spoken language.

Although most people can understand it, the meaning of many words and verses is completely unclear without a historical understanding of the English language.

This is a serious problem. We are in danger of insulating the common people from the Word of God, just as the Catholic Church did (most famously before the Reformation, but through the 1960s).

So, to reiterate:

  • I do believe the KJV is the Word of God (although I did state otherwise in attention-getting slide title—the text of my slides makes my ultimate meaning very clear)—although I do not believe it is the only English version of the Bible that can be called the Word of God. (However, I made no attempt, and, indeed, specifically avoided, recommending a different version to our congregation.)
  • We are making a big mistake when we don’t acknowledge that, like any translation, the KJV has errors and ambiguities.
  • The KJV is very difficult for modern English speakers to read; a number of word meanings have changed significantly in the past 400 years, some enough to cause erroneous interpretation.
  • The KJV absolutely should not be elevated (in rhetoric or otherwise) to the level of the original languages in which Scripture was written. There is a reason God chose Hebrew, Chaldee, Aramaic, and Greek, over another language like English. (This is especially clear when comparing the compexity and nuance of the Greek to English.)

What I wish I had done differently:

  • Not used hyperbole (or perhaps even irony, as defined literarily) with an Independent Baptist Church audience. Despite the fact that this is an oft-used literary device (ask my Sunday school students), even by our own pastor, the people were not familiar enough with my teaching style to stop to listen beyond the radical statement.
  • Asked questions instead of making statements about semantics—I still have no idea (for several reasons) what specifically those most offended disagreed with. Had I introduced the topics with questions about specifically what people meant by certain phrases, they probably would have been lest hostile. (Several people disagree with me on this, believing I was doomed no matter how gentle my presentation.)
  • Not tried to put quite so much material into the presentation.
  • Spent more time on the conclusion, which was a little weak. (I also goofed on illustrating one point, but in retrospect that seems less significant.)

You’ll want to read all the comments on this one.

(Edited significantly on Tuesday, February 27, 2007.)

Onward …

Geek Man Attends Professional Sports Event

[Editor’s note: This post is really old, dating back to January 20, 2006. So, call me a slacker—as you will, anyway, although this time you’ll be justified in the attribution!]

Often referred to as “übergeek,” “LegoDoug,” or, “that dweeb,” I’ve actually attended a professional sports event only one other time in my life. In fact, I can be considered so Geeky that Weird Al actually did a music video about me. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself:

I spent about $30/ticket for John, John’s friend AJ, my friend Phil Luchon, and myself to attend this game of the Celtics (which is universally pronounced wrong—it should have a hard C sound). I should have just gone for the $10 seats, which ended up being two rows behind us. Next time I’ll just cheap out. It was advantageous to have Phil along to answer technical questions. (“What’s that shorter timer that keeps counting down while the ball is in play?”)

There’s a whole lot of stuff that goes on at a basketball game. First were a number of “pre-shows,” some good and entertaining, some otherwise. One that interested me were two choriography teams from one of the local public school systems. First out was a group of 20 or so elementary-school-age girls; their choreography was well-coordinated and quite good, reflecting a high degree of skill and practice, with well-coordinated movements. Then out came junior-high or high school girls: They were terrible. Their movements were uncoordinated, and it was almost painful to watch. I later concluded that the vastly better quality in the performance of the younger students was because they had not yet discovered boys.


John clearly enjoyed the game.

The Celtics “mascot”—a person dressed as a leprechaun—and his team did some amazing gymnastic/acrobatic moves, kind of like Peter Pan meets the Harlem Globe Trotters. They set up big mats and springboards, and would do things like a reverse backflip culminating in a slam dunk. That was an amazing display, and fascinating to watch. (In fact, they displayed more skill than the Celtics, and appeared to have a higher percentage of successful shots.) There was also a “ball handler” demonstration, which was interesting, but not nearly as impressive as the mascot’s work.

Then came the game! The players came out and warmed up. There was tension and excitement building in the air. At last, I would experience the action and excitement of a live, professional basketball game!

Except that every single player on both teams stank beyond belief, and they were all the laziest slackers on the face of the earth.


Q: What’s the difference between this warmup and the first 70% or more of the game? A: Only the warm-up suits.

Does that sound harsh? I disagree. Your average athlete ought to be able to maintain a good level of physical activity for twelve minutes—that’s how long a quarter is in professional basketball. In fact, an overpaid, professional athlete ought to be able to “push it” for the 48 minutes that would cover an entire pro game. Now, 48 minutes is generous—the “real” games are broken up by between-quarter breaks, and time outs within each quarter, so 48 minutes would be extreme, but if a zilllion-dollar player can’t hustle for 48, he ought to be thrown off the team so someone deserving can take his place.

Instead of intense action, we were treated to a performance, up until no more than the last quarter-and-a-half, that could best be described as pitifully lethargic. The players were nearly walking around the court, rather than running. Then, as the game approached the 75% mark, the players actually began to hustle in a way that might have been worthy the exorbitant salaries they were earning.


Play Intensity Plotted Over Time

But hustle wasn’t enough. The Celtics (pronounced “kell-ticks,” remember?) missed enough free throws to change the balance of the game from the close match it was to a slaughter that would have sent the Nets home crying. If I had been the coach, they all would have been doing laps every day until several of them collapsed in exhaustion, then suicides until the rest did, and anyone who missed a free throw I’d make walk from city-to-city between games. Inexcusable!

In the end, the Celtics won, albeit just barely. I was disgusted at their pitiful performance. Where has the professionalism of Larry Bird gone? He used to walk every inch of the court before a game to find out where there might be an irregularity in the flooring, and he would endlessly practice free throws.

Other distractions abounded. The guys behind us were constantly yelling profanity. In contrast to our economic stereotypes, they were well-dressed “Yuppies” who must have come to the game from white-collar jobs in Boston. Also, apparently, all it takes to operate the “interactive” things on the big scoreboard is the ability the launch the “DE-FENSE, DE-FENSE” animation whenever the Celtics didn’t have the ball. Duh! Salter once wrote that you never see basketball coaches explain their victory strategy as, “Well, what we really need to do to win is get more baskets than the other team.”

There were, of course, other highlights to the game, especially from an engineering perspective. One of the things I found fascinating was the superbright LED displays that ringed the entire balcony. It was only relatively recently that the semiconductor doping of blue LEDs became commercially practical, which is what enabled these RGB displays to be used for such applications.


A close-up of the LED arrays that create the wraparound displays.

The final score was Boston 99, New Jersey 96. There’s a recap available here on Yahoo Sports, but to be honest, reading it is more boring than watching American football.

Another Novel Nightmare Treatment

Parents of small children are no strangers to the effects of nightmares. We in the Wilcox family are no strangers to unorthodox approaches to treating them. (For example, see this post, which describes how letting David watch Jurassic Park at age 3 cured his dinosaur-laden nightmares.)

NaNi had bad dreams or night terrors of some sort last night. She started crying around 1:00, and wouldn’t wake up enough to stop, in addition to putting a stranglehold on Nichelle.

We’ve been through this before. It never ends well, because Naomi ends up restless or crying in our bed for a number of hours, and none of us gets the sleep we need.

Remarkably, probably because I’d left work a little earlier and taken a long nap before dinner last night, I was more clearheaded than usual, and came up with a plan that would give us all enough sleep, if a bit strangely distributed.

I said to NaNi, “Want to play some World of WarCraft?” She agreed, so we marched off to the family room, and within a few minutes of her sitting on my lap while I played, she had woken up enough to shake off the fear, and demand that she play using her character, so I ran the mouse while she ran the keyboard, which worked very well.

I’m not used to playing a lower-level character (my Gnome is now at level 38), so at first I kept getting us into situations that led to a rapid death. At one point we were outnumbered, and nearly dead, so we ran from the bandits we were fighting—not something that always works. When the last one stopped following us, I had her turn around and I ran the “/taunt” emote, which does a chicken imitation with arms flapping and clucking sounds.

Nichelle, rather than having to try to tend to NaNi, got her own much-needed sleep.

After about 40 minutes, I let NaNi continue playing—she definitely wasn’t ready to go back to bed—and I retired on the couch. I woke up at 4:45 a.m., to find she’d stopped playing, apparently also after spending some time coloring, and crawled onto the couch with me to go to sleep. So I got up and went back to bed, leaving NaNi sleeping peacefully.

Nichelle got enough sleep to pull off our morning preparations on time; she let me sleep a little bit extra to catch up enough for me to take the kids to school and drive to work, and rather than listen to NaNi cry while trying to comfort her, we had some great father-daughter time killing Defias bandits around Goldshire.

I suppose one would have to describe that as a win-win-win.

3-Year-Old Geek Goddess Sees Future in Competitive Halo

Just a week ago, I’d written about how the Xbox controller, with its two thumbsticks, numerous buttons, and two triggers, was overwhelming for NaNi, who is now 3.25 years of age, even though she’d had no trouble mastering a computer mouse by age 2.5, just like her brothers.

Last night David, Isaac, Naomi and I were playing Halo 2. Despite the fact that Halo was the first video game name NaNi ever learned, she normally will ask to play, then get frustrated and leave after a minute or two, because she’ll have her character looking at the sky or the ground, and not be able to get oriented correctly.

Well, that all changed officially as of yesterday. She’d been playing David’s birthday gift, “Superman Returns,” on the Xbox. Being able to fly around Metropolis gave her the space and freedom of movement to really figure out how to work the thumbsticks. I also discovered she knows the four “lettered” buttons by name, and is learning what each does in the games she plays.

So, last night we were armed with rocket launchers, and I was tracking Isaac, when NaNi blew me away! A moment later she took out Isaac. The icing on the cake was her “vengeful” exclamation to Isaac afterward: “Isaac, don’t say my Barbie toothpaste is stupid! That’s not nice!

Then she did her victory dance (her own adaptation of the “gnome” dance from Blizzard’s World of WarCraft). It was sweet!

Local Software Developer Achieves World Fame

Technically, we’re not supposed to BLOG about [the company for which I work], because it’s a public company, and [blah blah blah], but I think I can get away with this much, as I snagged a very brief spot in the video described below (which, if nothing else, has convinced me more than ever of my need to lose weight—something which is already in progress):

Over the past year [message redacted] has placed great effort in building a strong and expansive strategic relationship with Microsoft. We have continued to leverage and expand our use of Microsoft technologies as our two organizations come closer together to deliver greater value and powerful solutions to our mutual customers. Here is a three-minute video … for you to share with your customers/prospects. This video features executives from Microsoft, [message redacted], and a mutual customer and discusses the business value of this partnership and the powerful benefits it offers to [message redacted] and our customers.


One of my co-workers just stopped by and noted that our tarantula, Susan, is visible in the video. She’s in the blue-lidded, plastic box on the table that’s behind Bernard Farrell and me. Cool!

So what do you get when you mix chicken with a lot of great ingredients?…

….a really cool opportunity to cook on TV!!! That’s what I said. I entered a cooking contest and you can read about that here: http://www.chickencookingcontest.com/contest_history.cfm. I saw the contest from 2005 and boy was I impressed. Did some searching for it and got the information and started creating recipes. I created seven in all and submitted two. Doug will be sure to mention that he had to beg and plead to get me to submit the recipe that won. The first recipe is called, “Tropically Kissed Chicken” and the one that I submitted about a week or two later is a burger recipe. Not disclosing the information on that one. :). You’ll have to wait.

This morning at around 9:30, I got a phone call and was told that the recipe I created was selected for New Hampshire. Can you imagine how thrilled I am!!! I’m still in a bit of shock over it. I will receive more information in February about this and will keep you updated. The contest will take place in May 2007 and I will be flown to Birmingham, AL (all expenses paid) for a few days. Just the excitement alone to be chosen and now to go and actually make the dish live…it’s exhilarating. So pray for me and all that will have to sample this dish repeatedly between now and the competition to get the cooking time down and so forth. Many thanks, too to all who have continued to pray for my health. I’ve been doing awesome since July and that in itself is beyond worthy of Praise to God!!

Ah, for those of you who already know the recipe that was selected, please no mentioning things here in the blog about it. If you have any questions, please send me an email. Many thanks. 🙂 And to read more about what takes place in judging, etc read here.

Merry Christmas!

Lots of Christmas news today, but I’ll save it for later. Here are a couple of photos, one an outtake from our family photo shoot, another showing how Geek boy Isaac dresses for school this season.