Category: Family Members

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John Is Off–On A Missions Trip to Jamaica

Early Wednesday morning—at 2:30, actually—John will be leaving with a group of teens from Tabernacle Baptist Church for a ten-day missions trip to work with missionaries Quentin and Sally Reese in Jamaica. During their trip, they will be running a week-long Vacation Bible School, working with the Manna Care Ministry (which brings food and medicine to poor and homeless children), and taking part in two different Sunday services at God’s Way Baptist Church. They will also be passing out gospel tracts, and doing other work to help the missionaries in whatever way they can.

This will be John’s first missions trip. In fact, it will be his first trip out of the country. He is, admittedly, a little nervous. Tonight after dinner we read a short devotional by Corrie Ten Boom about worry. A few days ago I encouraged him not to be afraid, as the worst that could happen is he’d get to go to Heaven soon, and I’d get his X-Box.

This is a great opportunity for John. I know from my own experience that such trips can be profoundly life-changing. Seeing how much of the world lives–or struggles to live–is eye opening. Meeting and spending time in fellowshipping with those who share the common bond of brotherhood in Jesus Christ is enriching.

I’ll update this post throughout the week, as news comes in. Most likely most of the details will need to wait until John returns.

Update–Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Well, the group made it safely to Jamaica, albeit after some delays and sans about half of their luggage. I hope the latter arrives soon for them. On one trip to the Dominican Republic, Nichelle and I were warned to bring at least three days’ worth of clothing and essentials as carry-on. It took exactly that long for us to get our bags.

Update–Saturday, July 16, 2005: Luggage and Hurricanes

We heard that the group’s luggage had been flown to an airport near Kingston, Jamaica, and was supposed to be delivered to them by yesterday or today, if I have the details right.

Hurricane Emily (I still think all hurricanes should be named after women) didn’t hit Jamaica directly, but judging from the satellite photos today, they’re getting some serious wind and rain. That should keep the teens’ lives interesting. Here’s the word from The Weather Channel:

Emily: the Atlantic Basin’s strongest July hurricane
2:55 p.m. ET Sat., Jul.16, 2005

M. Ressler, Meteorologist, The Weather Channel

With winds of 155 mph, Emily has beaten out Dennis for the honor of strongest July hurricane on record in the Atlantic Basin. Emily remains a small but very strong and very dangerous major Category 4 hurricane. If the sustained wind were to increase 1 more mph, Emily would become a Category 5 hurricane. Emily continues to zip to the west-northwest at 18 mph heading into the western Caribbean. The torrential outer rain bands may dump from 6 to locally 10 inches of rain over the mountains of Jamaica and 4 to 7 inches over the Cayman Islands. Flooding and mud slides are possible. The rain bands may possibly produce a few wind gusts to near hurricane strength in the mountains and along the south coast of Jamaica today and then over Grand Cayman Island later tonight into Sunday. A tropical storm warning has been dropped for the southwestern peninsula of Haiti. A hurricane warning is in effect for Jamaica and for the Cayman Islands. A hurricane watch is in effect for the Caribbean side of the Yucatan. A tropical storm watch is in effect for the northern half of coastal Belize.

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Terrorists Hit London Public Transport

Earlier today terrorists detonated four bombs, three on the London Subway system (at 8:51 a.m., 8:56 a.m., and 9:17 a.m., BST) and one on a double-decker bus (at 9:47 a.m., BST). Thirty-three people were killed in the subway system, and more on the bus. Hundreds were injured.

The BBC has posted some accounts from survivors here.

I heard about this on WBUR, which was still running the BBC broadcast, while on my way to work. I was stunned. I don’t know how to react. I wondered if the past decade of quiet from the IRA had lulled Londoners into a more complacent state. I tried to imagine what it was like for the people who went through it. I wondered if these bombs were left in knapsacks like the ones used in the Madrid train bombings. If so, how would I react if I noticed a knapsack or bag left behind while on the subway? Would I even notice, or would I be oblivious, paying attention to my reading and nothing else, until the blast hit?

Terrorism is the new Cold War. I miss the old one. At least then we knew who the black hats were.

Growing up in the Cold War, I don’t think we were instilled with the idea that the Russian people were our enemies, it was just the government of the USSR and its leaders that were bent on global domination under Communism. As a late-comer to the nuclear age, I also didn’t fear nuclear holocaust. The rational insanity of MAD (mutually assured destruction) made perfect sense, and kept the peace for decades.

I’ll have to talk to my children about this. I wonder if they are fearful about what is going on in the world. David, our six-year-old hero, would probably not be afraid. He would imagine himself defusing a subway bomb before it could detonate, and single-handedly wiping out the terrorists who left it. At some point, we grow out of being afraid of things like lightning, and take on fears that are larger in scope. Isaac probably wouldn’t think about it at all, and John would probably be nervous about riding on public transport.

I don’t live in fear, but I know many people do. I do wonder what is next. There are many nasty things that we haven’t seen used by terrorist organizations. Some of them, like a bioterror attack using Spanish Influenza, are so easy that I can’t believe they haven’t been used yet. Read Richard Preston’s Demon in the Freezer, for starters.

And, since I’m on the topic, let’s stop calling the Iraqui terrorists insurgents. In our own War for Independence in 1776, we were insurgents. With the only exception being the destruction of the tea in the Boston Tea Party, our targets were strictly military. When innocent civilians are intentionally targeted (and not merely suffering in collateral damage), that’s terrorism. Why are we afraid to use the word?

And what do the terrorists want you to believe?

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Splitting the Mac’s Personality

Remember the line about doing seven impossible things by breakfast?

I am becoming the Apple/Mac/Safari Guy at Kronos. (Safari, for those of you wondering, is Apple’s partly-home-grown Web browser, and it’s the default browser for Mac users.)

One of our problems in development is the rapidity with which Apple releases new versions of its operating system. Unlike Windows, which tends to be fairly stable, we might see Apple users upgrading their operating systems every six months or so. But, our applications need to work on Safari, and it’s considered a good idea to make sure they actually work. The immediate question is which Safari? A user with Safari 1.3 on OS X 10.3.9 is going to get a very different experience from a user with Safari 1.2.4 on OS X 10.3.8 or 10.3.9, and that will vary still from a user with OS X 10.4.1 and Safari 2.0. Nevertheless, these environments are all likely to be encountered by our customers, so we have to test them.

A few days ago, I’d upgraded our G5 Mac to OS X 10.4.1 with the latest patches, and intended to leave OS X 10.3.9 installed on a much-slower iMac that also belongs to our team. But I realized we still needed an environment on which to test the latest builds of Safari and the operating system as we get them from our Apple Developer Connection subscription, which works much like the MSDN subscription does.

The best solution, given that we use the Mac relatively little, would be to put all three builds on the same machine. I’d never set up multiple partitions on a Mac before, and was curious about dual-booting two flavors of OS X. It turned out to be surprisingly easy.

I knew that repartitioning the drive would wipe out all the data. The only items of importance to us on the machine were a few bash scripts Doug “JavaDoug” Ross had written for a massive properties namespace protection/conversion project we’d done. I moved those off to my own machine via FTP.

I popped in the OS X 10.4 DVD (yes, DVD), and chose Restart from the Apple Menu. Holding down “C” allowed me to boot from the DVD, which automatically launched the installer. From the installer menu, I could choose to run the Disk Utility, which is pretty much like fdisk combined with chkdsk, but with a prettier interface.

I realized I should actually create three partitions. The first would be our “main” test setup, which is currently OS X 10.4.1 (and climbing). The second partition would hold the last release of OS X 10.3.9, which is the last version of OS X we support with the release of Kronos Workforce Central 5.1 product suite. The third partitions would be an OS X 10.4.x sandbox, where we can install the latest released-to-developers code without risk to our test machine.

I got OS X 10.4.0 installed, and ran two levels of restart-required patches to bring it up to 10.4.1 with the latest security updates. I verified that everything, including VNC, was running correctly at startup. (Do you think I want to spend my days running back and forth to our hardware lab? Yes, there is a certain Geeky thrill to being in a room with raised flooring and immersed in the overpowering sound of the blowers, but I happen to like my cube–which some have described as a “playpen.”) The first part of the project took less than half an hour. I was only stumped once.

Next came the OS X 10.3.9 installation. The latest disk I had readily available was OS X 10.3.5, but it’s a simple process to patch it to the later version. This time I had to hold Option down at startup, to give me the choice of booting from the install CD or from the OS X 10.4.1 partition.

Picking the installation volume (partition) and getting OS X 10.3.9 running was easy. This version ships on CD instead of DVD, and it took surprisingly longer to set up–over an hour, I would estimate. It’s in the final stage of installing now; I’ve just installed the first 11 items that require a restart, and then the Software Update applet found 7 more items. One interesting bit of trivia: Apple was pitching an Earthlink Internet connection subscription as part of the OS X 10.3.5.

<rant>

That reminds me. Why is it that Apple can do no wrong? It’s guilty of doing things that would land Microsoft in court, but no one seems to care. For example:

  • Apple installs only QuickTime for media playing, and it’s not an optional install, even when choosing the custom installation option. I guess the ability to install a different media player is good enough for Apple in the EU, but not for Microsoft.
  • What’s with the hard sell for Earthlink (then later a pitch for a .Mac account at $100/year)?
  • On a Windows system, why does iTunes install and run (without asking me) both the iPod service and the QuickTime system tray lurker? They are both needless consumers of my computer’s resources, and iTunes ought to even ask if I even own an iPod. Every time I update iTunes, and hence QuickTime, QuickTime can’t remember my preferences about this from the last install!
  • What’s up with the only CD/DVD eject button being on the keyboard? What if I don’t use a Mac keyboard? What if I want to install a second CD/DVD drive internally? There’s no place to put it without taking a hack saw to the beautifully-finished front panel.
  • I know I have a choice since the devices are USB-based, but a one-button mouse is just about as useless as possible. Not even a mousewheel is standard. Remember when Apple had sensible designs? Tell me why control-clicking, which requires two hands, is more intuitive than right-clicking, which requires only one. And, of course, playing Find the Scrollbar is such fun, I can’t imagine why anyone would ever miss their mousewheel!
  • Microsoft wrote a Remote Desktop client for the Mac, which allows Remote Desktop to be used on a Mac to connect to a PC. Guess what platform Apple never bothered to write a remote desktop client for? And guess which company charges a small fortune to even get it’s Remote Desktop application? It’s a good thing there’s OSXVNC and Chicken of the VNC on SourceForge!

</rant>

You might be tempted to think I don’t like OS X or Apple. You’d be wrong. I actually love the Apple, but its defenders seem to be unable to look at it objectively.

My one other gripe is that OS X can be extremely powerful, but that power (think one-button mouse here) is insulated from the users. Mac users fall into two categories: “I can only do e-mail,” and “I’m a ‘Nix propeller-head who thinks any GUI is for the weak.” Like it or not, Windows provides an easy learning path to becoming a power user, with the most advanced features lying under the surface, ready to be explored via right-clicking and choosing “Properties.” Just like Mac users, Windows users can ignore the power, but it’s there when you want it.

On the other hand, most Apple users don’t fear an operating system upgrade. Most applications work fine on the new O/S or patch, and even reinstalling the O/S (if one isn’t repartitioning a drive) can be done without losing existing user accounts or application data. There is much Microsoft could learn from Apple, including the possibility of ditching backward compatibility for something lean-and-mean while providing a good emulator.

Anyway, the third operating system install is in progress (OS X 10.4.1, ready for the latest developer code). It’s been 9 minutes, and the installer predictions about 7 minutes to go. I’ll have to finish configuring it in the morning, because I need to head home, but I can’t believe how easy and quick the installation is.

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Some Dare Call It Patriotism

On Sunday, July 3, I witnessed a disturbing sight. At the intersection of Routes 111 and 102 in Hudson, N.H., on three of the corners were groups of men with big American flags and signs that read, “Deport Illegal Aliens Now.” Some of these guys looked like the classic skinhead Neo-Nazis, short hair, goatees, and chamoflage fatiques, but at least half of the group didn’t fit that stereotype.

Many people were voicing their support with waving and honking horns as they drove by.

I found the whole incident very disturbing; it made me sick to my stomach. There seemed to be a palpable sense of hate. Maybe next time I’ll stop and talk to these guys to see what their larger agenda is.

It wasn’t that I oppose enforcing immigration law. What bothered me was the fact that this was being done in the name of patriotism.

Clearly, our system of border patrols and immigration needs to be reworked. Many would argue that our own agricultural sector requires the availability of hundreds of thousands of exploited laborers, many of whom are illegals. Listen to Marketplace’s special report, “The Undocumented War,” to gain a better perspective than many Americans have.

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Jaeden Has Escaped

Jaeden, Nichelle’s pet corn snake, who we have had for a year and a half, somehow escaped from her aquarium sometime in the past few days, despite our use of a locking lid.

As she wasn’t a very large snake, she may have taken off almost anywhere, and gotten into many places where we would never find her. If it were winter, we could concentrate our search on areas that are heated, but the summer temperatures make just about any environment habitable.

Anyone have any ideas on finding her?

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What a terrific day!!!

Our 4th of July celebration started around 4-ish and went until 3 a.m.

We had a great time hanging out with the McGrath family and many friends. The food was delicious and the fellowship was wonderful. We had a very relaxing time.

Just like last year, we went to see the fireworks here in Nashua and I must say that they were the best I’ve ever seen. (Lolita, thank you so much for watching David and Naomi for us so I could go, too.) We had a great spot in the outfield at Holman Stadium, and what an amazing show it was!!! We bumped into several friends there.

[Added by Doug] Unlike last year, I actually got to see the entire fireworks display, instead of just what was visible four blocks away from my car, because Lolita McGrath offered to watch David and Naomi, thus allowing me to see the show along with Nichelle. (Nichelle had graciously offered to skip this year’s show so that I could attend.)

And the fireworks were indeed amazing! Sunday evening Isaac, John, and I attended the fireworks in Manchester, which were very, very good. The Nashua show was of much higher quality, although shorter in length, with every launch being a multiple burst. The fireworks were launched right overhead. It was stunning! Like Batman Begins, my only regret was that it had to end.

Once the fireworks show was over we headed back to our house for dessert. I made Bananas Foster, an incredible dessert that was kicked up a notch, thanks to Phil, who suggested we use a fried dough base he had at a restaurant instead of the sponge cake base.

As usual, we stayed up too late watching a movie which Phil “Movieman” Luchon brought over.

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Well, I bet he won’t do that again!

John had a geography project that went with a report, preparing food from the country he chose. He picked Nigeria, and for the food he selected to make a pepper soup.

Well, he did very well with the whole thing until he got to the peppers. He was instructed to wash his hands well, because he was dealing with habeneros and another chili pepper. After he was done cutting them up, he rinsed his hands off, but did not wash them off, for Doug and I began to hear the sound of repeated screams coming from the bathroom.

At some point during the cooking process, he touched his face somewhere around his eyes, which left an extreme burning sensation first in his eyes, and then his forehead, and most of his face.

We advised him to begin rinsing his eyes out with running water, while we called the Aetna Nurse Answer line. While we were finding the number, the screaming subsided somewhat, but still continued.

The nurse on call explained that this happens all the time, and that the rinsing John was doing would work, even though it might take half an hour to complete.

She also informed me that many times, men have a similar problem with not washing their hands thorough or wearing gloves, and then “using the bathroom.” I’m sure you get the picture.

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David’s K5 Graduation….

Monday, June 6, was David’s graduation. Doug took lots of pictures, so you’ll have check later for those. [Doug: They are in now.]

David’s class put on a play by Max Lucado called, “If Only I had a Green Nose.” David played the part of the carpenter named Eli. He did very well. I still need to check with one of the parents about getting a copy of the video he took of the whole program.


Once the play was over, the K5 class left to get their caps and gowns on. During the wait, the K4 came up and entertained with songs, memory verses and different things that they learned throughout the year.

Once the K5 class entered the gym and headed for the platform it happened, I got teary-eyed. I didn’t weep, but I was emotional. Thinking about how fast time will go before he’s actually walking the isle to get his diploma. (Thinking about that now, I’m nearly teary-eyed.)


Of course, while we were out at Friendly’s, Naomi couldn’t resist being entertaining as well:


(Click here, or right-click and save if the above video won’t play.)

David is so very excited about going to first grade. He had an awesome year in school. The only thing he didn’t like was nap time and he’s very glad that he will no longer have one in the other grades. We got a great picture of the Davids together. We are very thankful for his teacher, Sue Mullett, too for making David’s first experience in school so sweet.

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The Geek Life Begins Early in the Wilcox Family

The other day, I came out of my room to find that Naomi was at the computer with her baby doll, taking the doll’s hand, and trying to “teach” the doll to use the mouse.

I went searching for the camera, and missed that shot, but when I came back I found Naomi had left her doll as the picture above shows.

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Life with an Anxiety Disorder

This is the post that I have put off writing for years, for one reason or another.

Let me begin by a disclaimer. An anxiety disorder does not mean that a person worries excessively about things, or, more specifically, the anxiety that an anxiety disorder causes is not the same as “real” worry.

Let me explain. When we moved a year and a half ago, we had a surprising amount of trouble with selling our house. We had buyers back out, we had a buyer who had no job, we lost bids on houses we were attempting to buy. That produced some “real” worry on my part.

For example, during the sale of the house, purchase of the new one, and the move, I must confess, there was a certain amount of real worry. There were dozens of details that had to work out perfectly. Nichelle had gotten sick in the last week before the move, and the packing was behind schedule, even though we’d been working on it for a year. After we moved, my anxiety disorder kicked into a higher gear for about three weeks, when there was no reason for “real” worry at all. Anxiety-disorder-caused worry simply does not feel the same.

Scripturally speaking, we are not to be worriers. Everything is in God’s hands, and part of the Christian life is to trust Him. It doesn’t mean nothing bad will ever happen to us, but that God gives us grace to deal with what comes, and we can depend on Him to provide that.

History of My Anxiety

In October of 1995, I awoke one morning in a state of what I can only describe as abject terror. I had never experienced anything like this before. Even worse, unlike some people who have panic attacks, this anxiety never went away. It was with me all day, every day, for every waking moment.

I could not figure out what was wrong. Despite knowing that many such things are caused by chemical imbalances within the brain, my self-diagnostic software was offline. I concluded that this must be some sort of spiritual attack.

As I look back now, I can see that I had fairly long periods of heightened anxiety about certain situations throughout my youth, probably starting at age 8 or 9; I will discuss that later.

I was in agony. I was able to work, operating WordSmith Digital Document Services full-time, although it was very difficult to concentrate. When I got home, I was exausted. I couldn’t eat much. I spent long hours on the phone, talking with my sisters Cindy and Fran. Of course, I also spent a lot of time talking to my wife, Nichelle. Fran fed me Scripture and we prayed often. Nothing seemed to work. Talking about how I felt and praying with my family helped sometimes, but nothing took away the almost always overwhelming, constant feeling of fear.

I remember a couple of things very clearly. I remember looking at Isaac, who was six months old at the time, and thinking, “I should be enjoying this time with my son, but I can’t.” I also remember once or twice, while transitioning into waking, the anxiety would not be present for just a second or two, and then it would come crashing down on me. Feeling normal for such a fleeting moment made everything worse.

Because I was not eating normally (I didn’t have food anxieties, but had little interest in food), I lost weight. It was ironic when people would comment on how much better I looked. It wasn’t worth the price.

Occasionally, I’d get bad advice from the uninformed. My friend Mark and I boiled this down to a simple message, “You don’t have enough faith.” (We continue to tease each other in that fashioin to this day.) Many people simply don’t view the mental health realm as being biologically based. Few people would say to someone with a broken arm or influenza, “Well, just keep praying.” Praying should definitely be part of any treatment, but broken bones need to be set, and the flu is a virus the body must fight off. I am not at all saying that prayer doesn’t work, but the fact is that, although He does miraculously heal people, God doesn’t want everyone healthy; there are lessons to be learned in our infirmities, and His plan for our life may involve suffering.

After nearly six months of this, my family’s practicality sunk in, and I went to see a doctor. I didn’t really trust the fields of psychology or psychiatry (although a psychopharmacologist would, in retrospect, have done me a world of good), but I agreed to go to an internal medicine specialist, Dr. Richard Lubens, who I knew had an excellent reputation for listening to his patients.

He said, “Ah, it sounds like you have a generalized anxiety disorder. We don’t know what causes them, but there are some treatments that work very well.” He chose an older medication, partly because of its well-established history, and probably partly because I was uninsured at the time and it was inexpensive, unlike many of the newer medications.

He put me on a small dosage of amitriptylene, which is an older, tricyclic medication. Within a week I was feeling vastly improved. A week later, as a follow-up, he increased the dosage slightly.

I was normal again. Even better than normal. For the first time in my life, the things which had caused my occasional anxiety as a child stopped bothering me. I had my life back. What a blessing!

But the story does not end there.

Note: This post will be expanded over the next few days, or perhaps longer.

Topics to come:

  • Anxiety “triggers”
  • My anxiety versus panic attacks
  • Reflections on anxiety/panic during childhood
  • Current status