Category: Humor

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Geek-Boy Isaac Makes Science Mistake

Ten-year-old Isaac Douglas Wilcox jeopardized his entire future career in science today, when he described the maximum size of an Australian salt water crocodile as “seven to eight feet.”

Fortunately, his vastly more knowledgeable father was there to correct this serious breech of cognition, and he quickly righted the error, pointing out that “Salties” grow to twenty to twenty-five feet in length. (The largest ever found was 29 feet in length.)

(This post has nothing to do with the fact that Isaac loves pointing out those extremely rare occasions when I am wrong in a scientific area. It’s all about the newsworthiness, folks.)

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I Ate It

NaNi has learned to joke. (As most parents know, this is an amazing and fascinating part of child development.)

A couple of months ago she was entertaining us by putting a 1/2-gallon pitcher on her head, and asking herself, “Hat?” and responding, “Noooooooo,” in her songlike voice.

A few days ago, we were looking for the handset to our cordless phone, when she piped up with “Where’s phone? I know. I ate it!” and openened her mouth wide to emphasize the point. Later she followed up with a variation including, “I swallowed it!”

The real kicker came yeterday. Our friend Mary Jo stopped by briefly, and I asked NaNi, “Where’s my cell phone?” She responded, as I expected, with, “I know … I ate it!” Then MJ asked her, “Where’s my cell phone?” Naomi replied, “I know … pocket!” and pointed to Mary Jo’s jacket pocket, where she keeps her phone.

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One Word Descriptions: A Conversation with My Wife

Earlier today, we got an e-mail from a friend of ours, asking us to reply to her to answer the question, “How would you describe me in one word?” That sparked this conversation with Nichelle:

Doug: So, how would you describe me in one word?

Doug: After elminating the sarcastic response, that is.

Nichelle: Hmm

Nichelle: Several come to mind, but I would have to say, “determined.”

Doug: That’s just stubborn with a polite twist.

Nichelle: Wow, you caught that really fast!

Doug: Weaselette.

Proverbs 21:9: “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”

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The Human You Have Reached, Doug Wilcox, Is Not In Service—Civ IV Is on the Way Here

It’s happening … The long-awaited Civilization IV is about to hit store shelves, and a special edition is available for pre-order now, probably shipping tomorrow.

Civilization IV is the latest in the wildly popular series of games from Sid Meier and Firaxis Games.

GameStop has the pre-order version with free 3-day shipping, using coupon code “CIV4.”

I have played untold hours of Alpha Centauri and Civlization III. Few game experiences are more enriching than nurturing a tiny colony into a massive, multicontinental empire—and what fun along the way! Research technology, explore, build wonders, wage war, handle diplomatic agreements, conduct espionage, or even build a spaceship to get to Alpha Centauri (my personally favorite victory condition). Civ IV promises completely reworked, smoother gameplay, a real 3D graphics engine, and a multiplayer mode that is actually playable. Civ IV also brings back “wonder movies,” which existed in Civ II and Alpha Centauri, but were not included in Civ III.

Read the detailed review at IGN, and wander over to the official Civ IV Web site. Best Buy has the system requirements, which aren’t excessive.

Once this game arrives, little is going to be able to drag me away from my keyboard. Hmmm. This will probably be a nationwide phenomenon. I don’t think it’s too late to invest in Maxwell House stock.

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Hi, Slacker!

Naomi turned two on Thursday. Friday night, when I got home, she echoed David’s typical greeting of “Hi, slacker!” and has been saying it—with immense glee—ever since. Give it a listen: naomi_hi_slacker.mp3.

After a day, her pronunciation became even better: Give it a listen: naomi_hi_slacker_2.mp3.

Naomi even made up her own song using her new favorite word:


(Click here, or right-click and save if the above video won’t play, or you can view it on Google Video.)

Google Video is now including embedding code. Here it is below:

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Cuteness

NaNi (Naomi Nichelle) will be two years old in two days! I can’t believe how much she has changed in the past month. Her speech, which was just getting past the R2-D2 phase a month ago, is now exploding with sentences and more complex thoughts, and with more new words every day than we can list.

Every morning when one of us goes to get Naomi out of her crib (surprisingly, she hasn’t climbed out of it yet), she will not even say hello, but asks for the other parent. If I go in, her greeting is, “Where’s Mommy?” If Nichelle goes in, her greeting is, “Where’s Daddy?” Last Sunday Nichelle and I decided to go in together to see what her reaction would be. She wouldn’t say a word, not even hi.

Today Naomi received a birthday card from Grandma Wilcox, and it contained a $5 bill. She was excited to get mail. (Nichelle sang the “Mail Time” song from Blue’s Clues.) As Naomi opened the card, she saw the $5 bill, grabbed it, held it up to her face, gave it a hug, and then gave it a kiss. Yikes!

Nichelle had fun creating—and has fun maintaining—NaNi’s classic beaded hairstyle.

As for me, I’m keeping my shotgun in good order. Those boys will be coming to the door any day now; I want to be ready.

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A Crocodile Monitor on the Loose …

Today I took Isaac, David, and Naomi to RJ’s Exotics to buy some food for the critters. I too was on the lookout for a new snake. (See Jaeden Has Escaped.) As we checked out all of the cool creatures they carry, I spotted some corn snakes.

I was holding Naomi, when Isaac and David quickly came to the front of the store and I heard that a crocodile monitor had escaped. One of the employees came charging up front looking for his gloves. We were told that the front of the store was safe, but not to enter the back of the store. In the meantime, I had Isaac and David go outside and wait by the door.

Things settled down a little and at that time I had narrowed my choice of snake down to two. The monitor was still on the loose, but I finally decided which snake I wanted to buy. Unfortunately, the containers to transport the new Wilcox addition was in the back of the store with the monitor. I told the employee, not to worry, I’d come back in about half an hour or so to buy the snake then. When I returned, I was informed that the monitor had been captured, and that no one was hurt. They can be quite vicious.

So I now have a new female corn snake, which looks pretty much like this one.

See “Name That Snake” for some pictures.

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Well, I bet he won’t do that again!

John had a geography project that went with a report, preparing food from the country he chose. He picked Nigeria, and for the food he selected to make a pepper soup.

Well, he did very well with the whole thing until he got to the peppers. He was instructed to wash his hands well, because he was dealing with habeneros and another chili pepper. After he was done cutting them up, he rinsed his hands off, but did not wash them off, for Doug and I began to hear the sound of repeated screams coming from the bathroom.

At some point during the cooking process, he touched his face somewhere around his eyes, which left an extreme burning sensation first in his eyes, and then his forehead, and most of his face.

We advised him to begin rinsing his eyes out with running water, while we called the Aetna Nurse Answer line. While we were finding the number, the screaming subsided somewhat, but still continued.

The nurse on call explained that this happens all the time, and that the rinsing John was doing would work, even though it might take half an hour to complete.

She also informed me that many times, men have a similar problem with not washing their hands thorough or wearing gloves, and then “using the bathroom.” I’m sure you get the picture.