Category: Humor

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Superman Trumps God: The NaNi Report and Other News

NaNi:

Here are some more anecdotes from the world’s cutest and oldest three-year-old:

  • We were “in the running” for a very nice outdoor grill that was being given away. When our friend Phil reported that it had gone to someone else, NaNi instructed, “You should have called ‘NaNi dibs’!” Quite a few people have commented on how good she is at conversing. This is something we’ve observed in her from very early on, but it does seem odd sometimes to have a three-year-old who thinks she’s on equal terms with everyone in the entire world, and can generally talk that way.
  • As parents, we all love it when our children begin to learn about God and develop a theological understanding of their own. Quite often, we forget that their grasp of things can be very different than we expect, at least underneath the common terms we hear from them. For example, Naomi and I have talked several times about “God v. Superman,” after a conversation that she had with David one morning. NaNi insists that Superman is better than God, despite her acknowledgement that God not only created everything, but saves people forever. Maybe she just thinks that Tom Welling is cuter than God.


    • To NaNi, there’s just no contest.

  • NaNi continues to learn cool things. She’s learned to stand on her head, and was really impressing us with her Spider-Man moves done while climbing on our exercycle. She can also type her name accurately and quickly, since I gave her a guest account and assigned her name as the password. (The user name is nonobvious for security purposes.) She can also run a Web browser and navigate all her favorite educational sites without difficulty.
  • The other day NaNi gave me a dollar from her purse. As I didn’t want to take her dollar, I sneaked it back in later. Last night on the way home from church, NaNi exclaimed, “Dad! You cheated. You gave me back the dollar I gave you.” Not only had the little weasel counted the bills she had, but she correctly inferred how the extra one had gotten there.

D’oh!

  • A few days ago, I left a pen in my pocket, getting spots on a whole load of laundry, not to mention marking the inside of the dryer. I was very disappointed to have made such a mistake. Nichelle got the dryer cleaned out after a few days, but I don’t know how many clothing articles were irreparably marred.

David:

  • Phil called David a slacker the other day, and he responded, “Uncle Phil, you know that everyone in my family is a slacker.”

Fighting (not Really):

  • I am attempting to do what few husbands would dare or desire. I am teaching Nichelle to argue. It seems odd to do so at this point of her life, and sometimes I wonder if this is what I really want, but her lifelong coping strategy had been to simply give in to the opinions of those around her, and she viewed all contradiction of her ideas as “being shot down.” Since I spend my days “in heated discussions” with my co-workers (it’s how software is developed, folks), she’d always believed I was shooting her ideas down—even though our discussions were virtually never heated—and even though I thought I was simply expressing a differing opinion and challenging her to defend her position, she viewed a single contradiction as “case closed.” It’s been fun, and a bit scary, requiring some adjustment from both of us, but she’s catching on quickly. (Ironically, if I had been asked to look back on the times we’ve disagreed in opinion, I would answer honestly that most of the time I see things her way in the end. However, my perspective did not and could not include the times she caved without discussion. Facinating.)

Swimming:

  • When I removed the cover (our first year with a mesh cover) from our pool this year, I made an interesting discovery: The pool was completely empty, save for a few puddles of nearly black water. NaNi, David, and Phil, and I spent much of Saturday sweeping and vacuuming out the bottom of the pool with the wet/dry vac. (There’s something really manly about operating a shopvac.) Then we scrubbed and rinsed every inch of it, repeatedly shop-vacuuming the dirt that had accumulated for the past several years. We patched the holes in the liner we found, and refilled the pool. Although the water is freezing, the results are astounding. The water is crystal-clear, and maintaining the chlorine level (so far) has been a breeze. If we ever move into a house with a swimming pool again, I’ll know to “kill and refill” it. (I should send pictures to my Mom and sister, who have always criticized my pool maintenance skills, just to prove the preexisting conditions weren’t my fault.)

Geekdom:

  • I’ve submitted several (well, three) articles to Slashdot recently, but have yet to have any of them go beyond “pending.” Apparently the world of Geekdom is not ready for my paltry contributions.
  • I’ve finally started a Lego MindStorms group at work. You can read about our exploits on our MindStorms@Work BLOG. We have about 8 people participating, and it’s been great fun so far. Our first project is a robotic candy sorter, which has turned out to be surprisingly challenging, at least based on our initial research.
  • The kids are crazy about various “geek songs” that we can play on our MP3 or CD players in the car. Thanks to iTunes and such services, we’ve been able to download a very unusual mix: “The Fuhrer’s Face” (Spike Jones) is NaNi’s most requested item. (NaNi has referred to it as, “Green, green, green,” after the sound the horns make at the beginning, “The Space Song,” and “The Future of Space,”—it took me a while to figure out which one she meant. “White and Nerdy” by Weird Al is nearly always asked for, as is his “The Saga Begins.” (We have those in video as well from iTunes for the home computer.) Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements” we are all working on, and we have been listening to “Skullcrusher Mountain,” “Chiron Beta Prime,” and “The Future Soon” by Jonathan Coulton for quite a while. Also in the mix under the nongeeky category are “Sway” by the Pussycat Dolls (the only song I’ve really liked by them), several LotR tracks, some Big Band, and my two indulgences of “You Can’t Hurry Love” (the Supremes), and “The Power of Love” (Huey Lewis and the News). Nichelle has several new acapella gospel CDs which we often listen to, but I can’t get them out of her hands long enough to rip them to MP3.

Movies and Television:

  • I think my favorite movie of the summer is going to be Ratatouille, which opens at the end of June. Why? Two words: Brad Bird. So far Spiderman 3 was excellent, with beautiful moral lessons, and Pirates III was a huge disappointment, even though we got to see it in digital video at Lowell Showcase. (Very little humor and character development.) Shrek the Third wasn’t too bad, although Shrek was very un-ogre-like in parts, and TMNT was reasonable (better than I expected), especially for the kids, although a big part of the dramatic/emotional plot seemed like a rehash of the first TMNT movie. And, would anyone go see Fantastic Four II if Jessica Alba were not in it? I think not. (Okay, maybe people will go see it with the desperate hope that two FF movies in a row can’t be awful.)
  • We’ve just finished up watching the second season of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Although we love the medical drama so much that we can barely stay awake watching “House” anymore, our concern is that it’s developing too much into a “soap opera” formula. We shall have to see what season 3 has delivered when it hits DVD. I will say this much, if the writers are medically knowledegable, it’s very evident that Grey exhibits the behaviors of one who has been physically or sexually abused as a child, although it hasn’t been hinted at in the first two seasons of the show.
  • We also just finished “24.” Frankly, I’m tired of it. I don’t think this season, by the end, was anywhere near gripping, and I honestly miss the filming style and direction from the first season, including Jack Bauer’s voiceovers to introduce each hour and the constant use of split-screen. I was actually disappointed when they flashed the return of the show next January. I simply do not care any more.
  • The one unquestionably, gloriously bright spot on television has been “Lost.” Wow. If you haven’t been watching, you have all summer and fall to catch up on the first three seasons via DVD. Do it.

Humor:

  • Tom in the Box News Service has a delightful, tongue-in-cheek (but never meanspirited) perspective on neofundamentalism, among other things. (The scary thing is how credible some of these stories are.)

Church:

  • Heritage Baptist has been wonderful for us. I’ve described is as “a whole congregation full of Debi Costines,” which is clearly an exaggeration, but there is a desire to know, study, and live God’s Word in its intended context that we have found only rarely. Travel on over to their Web site and have a listen to some of the messages.

Other stuff:

  • Nichelle’s health is better-than-perfect. She still outlifts me in all but a couple of weight-training exercises.
  • My Mom is getting married June 16, at age 80. We’re very excited about that.
  • I’m not sure why, but I really don’t like Jessica Alba with light hair.

John Hannah:

  • And, although it has nothing to do with this post, here’s a wonderful quotation from Dr. John Hannah:

    “Being biblical is not having a verse for what you believe; it’s having the weight of Scripture undergirding what you believe.” Dr. John Hannah

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3-Year-Old Geek Goddess Sees Future in Competitive Halo

Just a week ago, I’d written about how the Xbox controller, with its two thumbsticks, numerous buttons, and two triggers, was overwhelming for NaNi, who is now 3.25 years of age, even though she’d had no trouble mastering a computer mouse by age 2.5, just like her brothers.

Last night David, Isaac, Naomi and I were playing Halo 2. Despite the fact that Halo was the first video game name NaNi ever learned, she normally will ask to play, then get frustrated and leave after a minute or two, because she’ll have her character looking at the sky or the ground, and not be able to get oriented correctly.

Well, that all changed officially as of yesterday. She’d been playing David’s birthday gift, “Superman Returns,” on the Xbox. Being able to fly around Metropolis gave her the space and freedom of movement to really figure out how to work the thumbsticks. I also discovered she knows the four “lettered” buttons by name, and is learning what each does in the games she plays.

So, last night we were armed with rocket launchers, and I was tracking Isaac, when NaNi blew me away! A moment later she took out Isaac. The icing on the cake was her “vengeful” exclamation to Isaac afterward: “Isaac, don’t say my Barbie toothpaste is stupid! That’s not nice!”

Then she did her victory dance (her own adaptation of the “gnome” dance from Blizzard’s World of WarCraft). It was sweet!

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And the Queen of Sarcasm Is …

Nichelle, of course!

Sunday morning I was teasing Nichelle, because she didn’t cook me an omelette like she does during the week. I said, “If you loved me, you would have gotten up early to make me an omelette.”

Her response: “I love you Monday through Friday; I have the weekends off.”

my pimped pic!

And, for those of you who are tempted to point out that I could demonstrate my love for Nichelle by getting up early enough to make her an omelette, I wish to point out that serving Nichelle any omelette prepared by me would not be considered an act of love.

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Ahoy, Me Hearties! It Be International Talk Like a Pirate Day

(David be most excited about this one.)

From “How to Be Speakin’ Pirate-Like” (You’ll want to view the full page at their site; it includes vocabulary):

Startin’ Rules:

  1. Double up on all your adjectives and you’ll be bountifully bombastic with your phrasing. Pirates never speak of “a big ship”, they call it a “great, grand ship!” They never say never, they say “No nay ne’er!”
  2. Drop all your “g”‘s when you speak and you’ll get words like “rowin'”, “sailin'” and “fightin'”. Dropping all of your “v”‘s will get you words like “ne’er”, “e’er” and “o’er”.
  3. Instead of saying “I am”, sailors say, “I be”. Instead of saying “You are”, sailors say, “You be”. Instead of saying, “They are”, sailors say, “They be”. Ne’er speak in anythin’ but the present tense!
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When You Sing, I See Monsters

Here are a couple of recent anecdotes involving singing:

Naomi does seem to have a good ear for music. It may be a little too good. The other night I was tucking her into bed, after our quick bedtime prayer time together, and asked her if she wanted me to sing with her. She responded, “No, Daddy, when you sing, I see monsters.”

A week or so ago after church on the church playground, Naomi and Isaac were on the swings, Isaac on one set and Naomi on another. They were both singing a beautiful praise song, and my heart was full of joy. Then, after a few minutes, Naomi decided she wanted to sing all by herself: “Isaac!” she screamed, “Let me sing by myself!” It wasn’t quite as praiseworthy.

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NaNi: Increasing in Wisdom (and Humor)

Naomi is now two and a half years old, in the stage many parents refer to as “The Terrible Twos,” although they haven’t been that bad for us, there is a big difference in Naomi’s willingness to obey. A few months ago, noticing her increasingly complex methods of disobedience, I remarked, “Your brain is getting bigger: You’re learning to sin in more elaborate ways.” She promptly reached up and felt around on her head. I had no idea she knew where her brain was. I wonder when she absorbed that. (We did teach her where her spleen is, because we have a friend who likes to tease the little ones by asking the location of the spleen, after the more traditional nose, ears, etc.)

Among the many things that amaze me is Naomi’s ability to completely ignore the commands we give her. She does so without giving the slightest inidication that she actually heard us say anything. She does this without regard to the urgency or volume of the command given. It’s amazing. I remember the other kids having “selective hearing,” but had forgotten how extreme it can be.

Not long after age two, NaNi announced when I got home, “My spankings all done, Daddy.” I was amazed. “You’re all done getting spankings?” “Yes.” “You mean, you’ve decided to choose to be obedient?” She replied in her sweetest, most singsong voice, as if to tell me how silly I was, “Oh, noooo.”

Another time, David was being verbally corrected for something he’d been told to do but neglected. NaNi grabbed a wooden spoon out of the drawer, held it in one hand while tapping her other hand with it, and announced with glee, “Spankin’ time!”

“By myself” and “I did it myself” have become her new mantras. She wants to do everything she can herself. She can crack and cook eggs (with supervision), helps out with the laundry, and pushes to do everything from pour a full container of juice (not a good idea) to dress herself (which she does very well, with about the same propensity of getting things inside-out as David exhibits).

She also likes to quote movies and other things we watch. Before her second birthday, she’d run around saying, “Demon llama! Aaaaaaaaaaah!” from The Emperor’s New Groove. Now she will come up with, “I’m a dirty skunk?!” (from Buggs Bunny), or “You little rascal!” and she can even do the entire “Niagara Falls” dialog from The Three Stooges. (Of course, she won’t do this on command, so I haven’t gotten it on tape yet. :: sigh ::)

She loves to sing. I am always moved when she sings, “I Stand in Awe of You,” a worship song. She’ll often be heard singing Sunday school songs or the songs in Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang, which seems to be a particular favorite of late. NaNi dances, too. She loves to mimic the dances in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or the “Me Old Bamboo” song from Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. She also makes up her own dances, including a beautiful one she does to the credit music of Finding Nemo. Her favorite thing to do is pirouette, and we have to keep a dress or two on hand that she can put on because she loves the way the skirt flares out when she does that.

One time when NaNi was preventing me from working at the computer, I asked her to go bother Isaac instead. She was very, very skilled at this. She started with sticking out her tongue at him a few times, with appropriate sound effects. When that didn’t produce the desired result, she walked over to him and started slapping him all over. Then she tried to push him out of his chair. This skill must be instinctive in little sisters.

Whenever we’re in the car, NaNi urges me to, “Do Burnout, Dad. Crash the cars!” (Referring to the style of driving in one of our favorite games for the Xbox.) Then she’ll add, “Pleeeeeeeease. Pretty pleeeeeeeeeeeease.” I can imagine the result, “But, officer, she asked so nicely …”

Before Isaac’s birthday, I was asking Isaac about who he was going to invite. I teased him about Amy, a girl who follows him around constantly. I asked Isaac if he was going to invite her, and NaNi interjected, “Amy not come, Amy’s a slacker!”

Naomi has also learned to use the computer mouse effectively, at exactly the same age Isaac and David did.

She nearly completely potty-trained herself mostly before her second birthday. (she still wets a bit, so she gets Pull-Ups; we’re not pushing the issue, especially as she can change her own Pull-Up.) And for some reason, she prefers to flush the toilet with her foot.

Someone taught her to ask, “Are we there yet?” That person will be found and punished appropriately. (For the record, NaNi claims to have taught herself that particular clause.) Generally, though, she merely asks, “Where are we going?” repeatedly while we are out.

She’s been riding a bike with training wheels for many months now, and has taken it on short trips (about a block). Saturday she wanted to ride it to the park, so I accompanied her. She actually rode the entire 1.11 miles all by herself, only stopping to throw some rocks in a puddle. Then she spent the next hour and a half playing in the park, and climbing like a monkey on a spider-web-resembling 7-foot-high climbing thing. Her upper body and arm strength has improved rapidly in the past few months, and it really shows in the things she is able to do while climbing. She can also now climb into the treehouse on our swingset, and is trying very hard to master the monkey bars.

I love all her jokes. Tonight she had a blue tongue (from drinking a blue-colored soft drink), and Nichelle commented, “You have a blue tongue, what have you been drinking?” NaNi’s laughing response: “Bath water.”

One of the things that most impressed and intrigued me of late was when she and Nichelle were talking about her third birthday (not until October). Naomi said that she wanted to invite Cody. Cody is Isaac’s friend, but NaNi is in love with him. Nichelle said that Cody was a little too old to invite to her birthday party, so NaNi suggested, “I’ll take off my head, and put Isaac’s head on. Then Cody can come.” She also tried to pull off her head, and later that night asked Nichelle, “Mommy, [will] you cut my head off?” What simple brilliance!

I shouldn’t be surprised at all this, though; after all, she is Naomi Wilcox.

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NaNi Empowered

Last night on the way to church we were on Route 102, and Isaac and I were talking about the time we rode our bikes to about the same place, but had to turn back because I had a leaky tire.

Naomi piped up, “I come? I ride my bike, too?”

I explained that she was still too small to ride that far (she’s only 2.5 years old), but she disagreed:

“Yes, I can! I’m Naomi Wilcox!“

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Naomi: Infantile Perspectives on Divinity

Our children are constantly exposed to the knowledge of the Lord, at home and at church. At times we find their understanding of God to be inspiring. At other times, their statements can be humbling. (See our post about David: Oh, That Lord!)

Last night at dinner, we were beaming with pride when, after Nichelle mentioned we might get snow this weekend, Naomi looked up to Heaven, and said, “Thank you, God!” for the snow she hopes will come. What spontaneous and wonderful praise, especially for someone not even 2.5 years old! How exciting to see her concept of God already forming.

Then she closed her prayer with up-pointed finger, and the demand, “Okay, Slacker-Weasel!?”

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Geek Humor @ H0//3

Tonight I was reviewing science notes with Isaac (click-and-drag to highlight my answers with your mouse to reveal them):

Q: What’s the densest element?
A: Osmium (actually, it’s a tie between Osmium and Iridium)
My answer: Fifth graderum.

I also dug up Tom Leher’s famous “The Elements Song.” You can hear it attached to a clever Flash animation here, or download the MP3 yourself.

And we had some fun because Isaac couldn’t remember:

Q: What is the most commonly occurring transuranium element?
A: Plutonium.

… which led to me mimicking bits of Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) from Back to the Future.

Doc Brown: “I’m sure that in 1985 plutonium is available in every corner drugstore, but in 1955, it’s a little hard to come by.”

Then Isaac confounded me with this one:

Q: What kind of tree did the mad scientist plant?
A: Chemis-try!

So I added:

Q: And what kind of tree did his mathemetician wife plant next to it?
A: Geome-try!

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Witness the Evidence, Ye Doubters

I wrote this in an earlier post:

We have been leaving our sleds out most of the winter as offerings to the snow gods. So far it has been working, although I had to correct the kids on making the proper offering. Scattering the toboggans about the yard is not the way to get the snow gods’ attention: One must place the sleds vertically, up against the deck or porch railing, as if ready for instant use. You don’t want to get rain all winter, do you?

I offer hear clear photographic evidence that such beliefs are indeed rational:

Above left: Our offering to the snow gods, carefully placed yesterday morning.

Above right: The same scene less than 24 hours later.